portions in pictures.. quick update

So I have been taking pictures of my food before I eat it. I have noticed that I haven't snacked as much. mostly because I don't want to find my phone and take a picture. Since I have been being honest about what I eat I knew I had to choose one or the other. I chose not to eat it. But I did SEE how disproportionate my servings are. Reality is that my spaghetti is 2 times a than a suggested serving size. I have to cut that in half. I think I am going to take Tracy's advice and eat off of a sandwich plate. Part of my problem is the filling the plate mentality.

 

This was last nights dinner. It didnt look like much last night, thats why I doubled up on the french fries and meat. As I look at it now I realize, once again I need a smaller plate, but that was alot of fries and the second piece of meat is a little much.

Its really interesting to SEE what you are eating from a different angle. 

I have made sure to get my exercise in Monday and Tuesday. Now I need to go out there and get todays done.

So a moment for prayer.
Dear God, thank you for today. I am so blessed to know you. Thank you for helping me on my journey. I am listening and I know you are talking to me. I will do my best to be a faithful servant and to speak your word and live in your light.

Trying something different

So recently I have fallen off, like I said last week. I haven't been honest about how much I am eating. So I decided to try something new. I am going to start taking pictures of my food, before I eat it obviously. I laughed at people who did that before. But now it kind of makes sense to me.

See I can rationalize the hell out of overfilling my plate. "There isn't enough for left overs so the food will go to waste." OR "It looks bigger than it really is." "It's only ___ calories so I can have two." But the truth is my original serving is the size of two servings. So now if I have seconds I'm actually having 4ths. But a camera, well it doesn't rationalize anything. The camera is brutally honest. It wont sugar coat it to make you feel better. Its factual.

I also decided I am going to keep a weekly gain loss running total.

And I am going to start taking a pic of me every week. Just the face I am not ready to start with my body.  So here it is week one.

My highest weight was 261 pounds.
I am currently 250 pounds.
My goal is to be 150 pounds.
Kelly Ripa was asked how it is she got hooked on exercise, her response was she started walking 5 minutes a day. 5 minutes. From there she just increased her exercise each day.
So this week I am going to walk. OUTSIDE! Walking around in the house doesn't count. And I am going to say that shopping doesn't either. So everyday I am going to go outside and I am going to walk. 

So those are my goals for the week.
1. take pictures of my food and keep track as to how many pictures I am taking a day!
2. track my weight
3. walk. Even if it is only for 5 or 10 minutes. I am going to get up and get out.

OK time for a little prayer.

Dear God, Thank you for today. Thank you for giving me the little extra boost I needed to get myself out the door and going. I was feeling lazy, I was looking for excuses and I was trying to rationalize not being a good Christian. But you helped me up, You opened my eyes and you reminded me that you are there within me I just have to listen up. Thank you for loving me. For knowing I am a sinner and still believing in me. Thank you for sending your Son to die for me. I gave up pop for Lent and some day's I feel like I would give anything for a pop. I can even imagine the feelings that Jesus went through for me. He drew his strength from you. I need to follow his example and do the same. Please give me the strength to make it through the week. To remember to take a picture of my food and to be honest. And to pray for guidance when I am feeling lost. Amen

A pictures worth a thousand calories

I fell. I fell a few weeks ago and I have been making a half-assed attempt to get back on the wagon, but I have to admit that I fell and I haven't gotten back up. My therapist told me once that the failure isn't in the falling its in the not getting back up. As much as I want to lose weight and get myself back in shape I haven't wanted to make the true effort to do it. Its easier to stay down and make excuses than it is to dust yourself off and get back on track. The wagon isn't that far away. I can get to it and get on it, I just have to want to stay on it.
With that being said today I got a message that I needed to hear. I believe that God is talking to us. We just have to open our ears and our eyes and our hearts. He doesn't send notes in the mail, he doesn't call on the phone, but he communicates with us all the time. For the past couple days I have been searching for inspiration. Something to give me that push that I need to get it done. But nothing has caught me. Today something did. 3 big fat photo albums. 1995, 1996 and 1997. I saw myself as a young woman. My hair was full and thick, curly and big. I had cheekbones and A chin! Just one not many. I was thin enough to wear clothing that only had one digit, but I was healthy and curvy. I didn't have tree truck legs or chicken jiggle arms. More than likely in some of those pictures I didn't wear a bra, but I was young enough where that wasn't a major catastrophe like it is now. Even when my face was bloated and puffy from hives you could see that I was pretty. I was someone else, someone I don't see now.
I know I could get depressed by this. I could fall into a trap of self pity. Oh I was so young, if I only knew. I was so pretty. I will never look like that again. I will never feel like that again. Etc. But I didn't feel like that. I looked at myself and I remembered what my life was like back then. Its not like it is now. I cant be that girl anymore, but I can feel like her again. I looked at myself and I saw hope. I felt hope. I felt like someone was there saying see, see her, she is you. She is still inside of you. She is still inside of me.
In order for me to let her out I have to be honest with myself. I have not been faithful to myself. I have not followed the plan that God and my doctor have set out for me. I have made excuses and now I have to stop making excuses and start making progress again. I hate to exercise but I know it is something I need to do. Even if it is just a little bit a day, it is something. I need to get back to eating my breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don't snack or eat all day long if I start my day with a bowl of oatmeal and I need to pray. I need to open myself up and let him in. I have tried half-heartily to do it on my own, but it is obvious that I cant. Seeing those photographs opened my eyes.
I would like to take a moment and say a prayer here.Dear God, Thank you for today!!! Thank you for your love, for your Son and for the message you have sent to me. I am flawed, I don't know what I am doing half the time and I don't know how to stop myself when I get out of control. I have tried to take this journey alone. I haven't given my all to you and I haven't accepted all you have given to me. I have failed many different ways. But I know you are there and you will help me up. All I have to do is ask. God, I am asking, please help me back up. I may not be the person I once was but I think that I can be someone much better. But I know I cant do it alone. I cant do it without you. Amen

Lent

Sorry it has been a while since I blogged. Dave has been on vacation and well I like spending time with him when he actually has a few days off. But I have kept him busy and I think he has a new appreciation for me and what I do all day long. But that is not the point of today's blog.

Before I get to the point I wanted to give an update here. I went to the doctor for my blood work on Wednesday. I finally had someone draw my blood there that wasn't a complete idiot and had to stick me 10 times. Sandee I miss you!! As usual I had to step on the scale. Last time i was there I wasn't feeling to good so I know I had on a pair of comfy pants and a t-shirt. This time I had on jeans and a heavier shirt and I still lost a pound! DO A LITTLE DANCE!!! needless to say I was happy. I went in expecting to gain because of the clothing and such but I lost and I was smiling from ear to ear. And that my friends is my update for the day!

Now onto the main portion of our program. Lent. At first I was going to be a smart ass and say I was giving up Lent for Lent. Or giving up complaining for Lent. But those who know me know I wouldn't be able to survive a day without complaining so I thought about it and I decided that I was going to give up pop for Lent. A while back I had cut pop out of my diet almost completely. A can or two here or there was it. But it has gotten out of control again. I have pop all the time. Two or three cans a day at the barn. I would find reasons to go to the store just to get a pop. I was addicted once again to the carbonated caffeinated sugar water. So on Fat Tuesday I decided that I was giving up pop for for Lent. 40 days of poplessness.

Dave, Alexis and I went out to eat on Wednesday. Dave and Lex ordered pop and I got water and lemon. I was a hair jealous. But I liked the crispness of the lemon and I drank two glasses. Friday Dave and I went out and once again it was a tall glass of water with lemon. The hard part is here at home. We have well water. I hate well water. I wont make ice cubes with it. I wont drink it. so I either have to remember to bring the water jugs to someone house and fill them from someones hose or take them to the store. But it never fails that in the end I am where I need to be and my water jugs are sitting on the floor wondering why it is I left them behind again.

I know it has only been a few days. But there have been a few times when I wanted to cheat. A sip here or a bottle when I was grocery shopping. But I thought about it. If Jesus could give up his life for me, well then I can give up pop for 40 days. I know as time goes by it will get easier. Just like cigarettes.  Its just the beginning I have to get past. Its the detox. Once I am detoxed it gets easier. I sit here and complain because of pop. But Jesus, did he complain. Did he walk around with his head hanging saying, "Man I'm gonna die in a couple days and no one appreciates it. My friends are going to turn their backs on me and I am going to suffer. This sucks. I don't want to do this any more. Can someone just do this for me? I just want to go to bed and forget that tomorrow is going to happen!" No, he didn't do that. He continued his mission. He lived his life and served his father to the end. So what right do I really have to sit here and complain because I want a pop.

In the end detoxing from all that pop will shave inches off my waist and will help me to shed pounds. There are so many benefits to water that most of you already know. But sometimes its just so bland. So I picked up a few lemons. Yummy. I am all for finding ways to get healthier. In the end my skin will be clearer. I will have lost some weight. I will be well hydrated. I will have energy because my body will not be sluggish from all the sugar and gunk weighing me down. So here is to Lent and being relentless.

I would like to take a minute and say a prayer.

Dear God, Thank you for today. Thank you for sending your Son to save me from my sins. I do not have the words to express my gratitude for this gift. Thank you for loving me, for taking care of me and for showing me that I am a good person, even when I feel like I am not. I have been listening God and I hear you message in places I wouldn't have heard it before because I had my mind closed. God I am still weak and I am still struggling. I know the path I should be taking and I find myself straying and being drawn by temptation away from you. God Please be with the people of Japan. I know we have different religious views but we all want the same thing. We all want to know that the ones we love are safe. We all want to cry when it hurts and come together to help each other. Please help them to find their missing loved ones and give peace to those who will never be found. Help them to come together at this time of pain and despair. In your name we pray. Amen

A CAN a day...

Ah the smell of spring is in the air. Birds are chirping, working hard making their nests. The snow is melting and almost gone. I can smell the newness of the world. The smell of clean dirt and fresh water. My spring bulbs are starting to pop their green little heads through the brown dirt reminding me that I need to get out there and work in my yard. All the familiar sounds and scents of spring are there. There is one familiar sight that is there too. CANS!!! Cans every where. A long cold winter of people throwing their trash out their car windows and no one picking it up,CANS!!!!!!! Exercise and and free cash just waiting there for you, all you have to do is get off the couch. CANS!!!. Last summer I made about $300 just in cans. You can walk down any of these country roads and look down and there are a butt load of cans. Cans Cans Cans!!! You don't pay attention to the fact your exercising when your making money now do you? I know I don't! This is something Lexi and I like to do together. And this is the time to do it. Any time between snow falls is a great time but the beginning of spring when everything melts and no one else has gotten out there and picked it all up you can get bags and bags of free money. I know its not much. But I walk a mile and make a few bucks! Bonus.


I took Hiro out for a walk Wednesday. The poor little puppy hasn't been feeling good. So I let her lead and we did a nice little walk (and got cans). Man I forget every winter how much I miss walking. I just like going out and feeling the sun and breathing in the fresh air and feeling like a human being.

My sister-in-law Tracy lost 52 pounds since October. I am so proud of her. I am so amazed by her and I wanted to take a moment and give a shout out to her. It took her getting the "diabetic" news for her life to change. I got the "pre-diabetic" news and I was ready for my life to change and for a while it did. But I didn't stick with it. I gave up. I slipped right back into old habits. While I am still down 15 pounds since October I am not down 52 and I would very much like to be in the same boat as Tracy. So I am redirecting myself. I'm starting the whole thing over again. Maybe not starting over again, maybe I am taking this next fork in the road. Because obviously the road I am traveling isn't the one that is going to get me where I need to go. It is obviously a loop.

Tomorrow, Friday, I am going to take my dog Tators and I am going to go out and I am going to collect CANS!!, then I will come home and I will trade her in for Libby and I will just walk her she is to hard to collect cans with she wild lol. Then I will get Hiro and she and I will enjoy a long walk and allot of can collecting. Then I will clean my house. Not so fun, but I love my new vacuum and that is exercise too!!!

I would like to take this moment to say a prayer.
Dear God, Thank you for Today. Thank you for giving me another day with my horses down at the stable. I find that being down there is making my week seem more enjoyable. It gives me a reason to get out of the house and I need that reason some days. Thank you for the love of my family I am amazed by the people you have surrounded me with. You have consistently led me down paths that I would have never seen before, because I was blinded by myself and others. You have given me the barn, my wonderful dogs and the strength to walk through my neighborhood and collect cans. You provide for me spiritually, physically, emotionally and financially. Thank you for my therapist, For my family and my friends. Thank you for a body that can physically support me, for a mind that functions properly and mentally supports me and heart that knows you and believes you and lives in your way and can spiritually support me. God please be with those who are suffering. Please watch over those who don't understand they pain of depression and the anxiety and frustration of mania.  May they find help and peace in your word. Amen