Today my baby Confirmed. She was the only one in her class and as Pastor was starting the sermon he told her, "Alexis, I have been wanting to tell you this for 2 years now. You are in a class all your own!" His sermon was so heartfelt and he spoke directly to her. You are in a class all your own he reminded her. He talked about how she likes a challenge and he presented one to her of his own. Fight the good Fight! Be a good Christian! Fight the good Fight! Be a good person! Fight the good Fight! Live the life that God wants you to live! Fight the good Fight!
I am so proud of my daughter. I shed a few tears when we got to the church, and a few more before service. I shed a few (more than a few) during the sermon. He spoke of how we have told her in our own way that we love her and that we are proud of her and that we are blessed to have her in our lives and all I could do was look at her and smile and think, "My baby, is becoming a young woman, and she IS in a class all her own!" I shed tears when we went to the alter and she was blessed. Later at my moms when we were all getting ready to eat and I asked to lead the prayer I had tears then. And now here I am typing this and for the first time all day I think the tears are ready to take over.
I am so proud of the person my daughter is becoming. She has her battles that she fights and I know she struggles. But I know there isn't anything she can't over come. She has an amazing support system of friends and family that make sure she loved and cherished every step of the way.
I love you Alexis. You are my best girl... You ARE in a Class all Your own!!
Dear God, Thank You for today!. Thank You for my wonderful daughter and the amazing family I have that have helped her to get where she is today. I know that she will fight the good fight and I know that she will grow to be a good Christian. Thank You for loving me. Thank You for the blessings You have given to me. Amen
Monday, May 21, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
I owe it to my mom
I was 15 the year my Great-Gram died. It was right before Mothers Day and I just thought how heart breaking, my grandma was now an orphan. She didn't have a mom anymore to celebrate Mothers Day with. Gram was my first real loss. I had never felt pain like that before in my life. It didn't register to me. I just knew that I felt like my world was falling apart.
Twenty Mother's Day's have come and gone since then. Today was another hard one. Because I knew inside that more than likely it will be the last one I have with my Grandma Kelly. Of course like everyone else I hope and I pray for the best, but I know inside that God has a different plan. I talked with her today. I held her hand and I talked to her. We laughed and we teared up, we joked and we smiled. She told me how much she loved me and I told her how much I loved her and I asked her if she was ready and she said she was. There was no miscommunication. I wasn't asking if she was ready for pie and she wasn't telling me she was ready to read the paper. She told me that she was ready to go home and that when the time was right that she knew we would all be ok. I told her that she didn't have to worry about us we can all suck it up and deal. She told me she had been a good Christian her whole life and she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I told her in the end that would be a good thing. That God is waiting on the other side and that he loves her. When she felt the time was right to close her eyes, then there were people waiting for her. And she said Thank you.
I know sometimes I say the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong people and I know I piss a lot of people off. I have been doing it a lot lately. But I think this time I said something she needed to hear. My grandma is an amazing woman and I can not sit here and talk about her without getting tears in my eyes. The world is a better place because she has spent the past 79 years in it. I would love to have 5 more years with her, but not the way she is now. Not with the cancer, not with the pain, not with the sadness. Dave told me today some people want to hold onto the teddy bear no matter how beat up the teddy bear is they just cant let go.
I have amazing women in my life. My grandmas who are wonderful and funny and kind and I am so blessed to have them. Happy Mothers Day to you both, Grandma Kelly and Grandma Maureen. My sisters who were my first friends and my first rivals. You have both taught me how to laugh and love, how to fight and how to stand up for myself. You have been there for me when I have fallen and you have helped me back up when I felt to weak to stand. We don't see eye to eye, were weren't meant to, but we are all connected heart to heart and I cant imagine a life where I don't have you. Dana and Micci I love you both.
Now my Mom. You have been my biggest advocate for 35 years. In a time where mental illness was taboo you stood up for me. you didn't sweep me under the rug. You found treatment for me and I know the words were hard to say but you didn't deny me, You said my daughter is sick and I am going to help her. I can not begin to tell you how much that means to me. As an adult I look at people and I think how much their lives would be different if their parents had maybe just taken the leap of faith you did and sought treatment. I know I have been difficult, trying, aggravating. But I never do it on purpose. I have always wanted to be as good a mother as you. I have always thought to myself would my mom be proud of me. If the answer is no than I need to rethink what I am doing. I haven't always made you proud, I know, but I want you to know that there isn't anyone else in the world I would ever want to call Mom!
Twenty Mother's Day's have come and gone since then. Today was another hard one. Because I knew inside that more than likely it will be the last one I have with my Grandma Kelly. Of course like everyone else I hope and I pray for the best, but I know inside that God has a different plan. I talked with her today. I held her hand and I talked to her. We laughed and we teared up, we joked and we smiled. She told me how much she loved me and I told her how much I loved her and I asked her if she was ready and she said she was. There was no miscommunication. I wasn't asking if she was ready for pie and she wasn't telling me she was ready to read the paper. She told me that she was ready to go home and that when the time was right that she knew we would all be ok. I told her that she didn't have to worry about us we can all suck it up and deal. She told me she had been a good Christian her whole life and she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I told her in the end that would be a good thing. That God is waiting on the other side and that he loves her. When she felt the time was right to close her eyes, then there were people waiting for her. And she said Thank you.
I know sometimes I say the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong people and I know I piss a lot of people off. I have been doing it a lot lately. But I think this time I said something she needed to hear. My grandma is an amazing woman and I can not sit here and talk about her without getting tears in my eyes. The world is a better place because she has spent the past 79 years in it. I would love to have 5 more years with her, but not the way she is now. Not with the cancer, not with the pain, not with the sadness. Dave told me today some people want to hold onto the teddy bear no matter how beat up the teddy bear is they just cant let go.
I have amazing women in my life. My grandmas who are wonderful and funny and kind and I am so blessed to have them. Happy Mothers Day to you both, Grandma Kelly and Grandma Maureen. My sisters who were my first friends and my first rivals. You have both taught me how to laugh and love, how to fight and how to stand up for myself. You have been there for me when I have fallen and you have helped me back up when I felt to weak to stand. We don't see eye to eye, were weren't meant to, but we are all connected heart to heart and I cant imagine a life where I don't have you. Dana and Micci I love you both.
Now my Mom. You have been my biggest advocate for 35 years. In a time where mental illness was taboo you stood up for me. you didn't sweep me under the rug. You found treatment for me and I know the words were hard to say but you didn't deny me, You said my daughter is sick and I am going to help her. I can not begin to tell you how much that means to me. As an adult I look at people and I think how much their lives would be different if their parents had maybe just taken the leap of faith you did and sought treatment. I know I have been difficult, trying, aggravating. But I never do it on purpose. I have always wanted to be as good a mother as you. I have always thought to myself would my mom be proud of me. If the answer is no than I need to rethink what I am doing. I haven't always made you proud, I know, but I want you to know that there isn't anyone else in the world I would ever want to call Mom!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Lets not pretend
Lets not pretend that this is a normal post because it isn't. It's not Sunday. I'm not going to talk about the miles we logged in or the weight that was lost or gained. I'm going to talk about something else.
I have bee spiraling for a while now. Financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, you name it I am there. I have been angry at myself and others. I hurt inside in ways I cant describe. Every day I dream about, think about, visualize killing myself. I won't do it. I can't do it. I made a promise to myself and my kids. I could never do that to them. I could never tell them that they are not good enough that they are not worthy enough. That I don't care enough about them to consider the pain it would cause them if I did this. But that doesn't mean I don't visualize it every day. I dream at night about being abducted, tortured, raped and murdered, when I talked to my therapist about it I told her I felt like that is what I felt I deserved. How horrible is that? I am not a bad person, so why do I feel that I deserve to be treated so badly? I don't know but I do.
I didn't work out yesterday. I could barely get myself to leave the house yesterday. It was hot and humid and I was curled up in a warm fuzzy blanket and I was still cold inside. I feel empty. I feel hollow. There is back ground noise to drown out the sound of nothing and then I go outside to drown out the thoughts in my own head. All I want is to sleep, truth be told, but I cant sleep at night when I need to sleep the most. Then I lay there and look into the darkness and wonder why I am like this, why I got stuck in this world? Why I got stuck with BiPolar? Why couldn't I get the OCD? Why couldn't I be smart or something freaking productive or something other than this, why do I have to go through this?
I know there are people who look at me and wonder why I don't just get my shit together and straighten up. I know there are people in my own family who don't believe me, or who look down their noses at me and even if they don't realize that they do it the rest of the world sure does. I don't want to be like this, I want to be normal. I want to be like everyone else. I want to be your friend. I want to be involved. I want to be around and be happy and comfortable. But when I am ready to come out of my skin and my head is swimming and I want to throw up and I feel out of place and I want to cry because it hurts to breath a guilt trip is the last thing I need. I don't think you realize how deep a guilt trip hits. How much I agonize over what it is I have done or what it is I am not doing. I don't think anyone knows how much I cry. I don't fit. I'm the sixth finger for a 5 finger glove.
I used to be able to walk into the church and feel like I was home. Now I walk into the church and I feel like a liar. I haven't committed any sins. I haven't changed religion or anything. But I just feel like I am not worthy of God and I don't belong there either. I know that God loves me. I know that I am his child and I know that I should find some comfort in his word. But right now I find nothing.
Dave says that he is proud of me for being so honest about my depression. For facing it head on. He says that my attitude has helped him to look at things differently and as long as we can keep talking that things will be ok. I am glad that my depression is helping someone.
I have things to do today that frankly I don't want to do. I really just want to lay here and zone out. But I can't I have to do them. Some days I hate breathing, it means I'm still here. Today is one of those days.
I have bee spiraling for a while now. Financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, you name it I am there. I have been angry at myself and others. I hurt inside in ways I cant describe. Every day I dream about, think about, visualize killing myself. I won't do it. I can't do it. I made a promise to myself and my kids. I could never do that to them. I could never tell them that they are not good enough that they are not worthy enough. That I don't care enough about them to consider the pain it would cause them if I did this. But that doesn't mean I don't visualize it every day. I dream at night about being abducted, tortured, raped and murdered, when I talked to my therapist about it I told her I felt like that is what I felt I deserved. How horrible is that? I am not a bad person, so why do I feel that I deserve to be treated so badly? I don't know but I do.
I didn't work out yesterday. I could barely get myself to leave the house yesterday. It was hot and humid and I was curled up in a warm fuzzy blanket and I was still cold inside. I feel empty. I feel hollow. There is back ground noise to drown out the sound of nothing and then I go outside to drown out the thoughts in my own head. All I want is to sleep, truth be told, but I cant sleep at night when I need to sleep the most. Then I lay there and look into the darkness and wonder why I am like this, why I got stuck in this world? Why I got stuck with BiPolar? Why couldn't I get the OCD? Why couldn't I be smart or something freaking productive or something other than this, why do I have to go through this?
I know there are people who look at me and wonder why I don't just get my shit together and straighten up. I know there are people in my own family who don't believe me, or who look down their noses at me and even if they don't realize that they do it the rest of the world sure does. I don't want to be like this, I want to be normal. I want to be like everyone else. I want to be your friend. I want to be involved. I want to be around and be happy and comfortable. But when I am ready to come out of my skin and my head is swimming and I want to throw up and I feel out of place and I want to cry because it hurts to breath a guilt trip is the last thing I need. I don't think you realize how deep a guilt trip hits. How much I agonize over what it is I have done or what it is I am not doing. I don't think anyone knows how much I cry. I don't fit. I'm the sixth finger for a 5 finger glove.
I used to be able to walk into the church and feel like I was home. Now I walk into the church and I feel like a liar. I haven't committed any sins. I haven't changed religion or anything. But I just feel like I am not worthy of God and I don't belong there either. I know that God loves me. I know that I am his child and I know that I should find some comfort in his word. But right now I find nothing.
Dave says that he is proud of me for being so honest about my depression. For facing it head on. He says that my attitude has helped him to look at things differently and as long as we can keep talking that things will be ok. I am glad that my depression is helping someone.
I have things to do today that frankly I don't want to do. I really just want to lay here and zone out. But I can't I have to do them. Some days I hate breathing, it means I'm still here. Today is one of those days.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Ireland I Am Coming Home....
I can see your rolling Fields of Green and fences made of stone.....
Love Garth Brooks. Sorry I missed the stepping off of our Ireland trip I was feeling like complete CR-A-Pah! But I am feeling MUCH better now so I am here to kick it off. I figured I would go over the deets real quick and update everyone and tell everyone about the new twist we are adding!
We are walking to Ireland!!!! Not literally of course. Everyone counts the miles they walk in a day and they send them to me. I keep tally and at the end of the week I tell you where in the world we are, how far we have gone and how much farther we have to go. We are starting at my Moms house in the South Suburbs of Chicago and walking our way to Bangor, Maine. That is a total of 1,110 miles. Since we can't really walk across water, last one to do that was Jesus and while he maybe on this journey with us it isn't literal so I'm not worried about it. It is a total of 2,865 miles from Bangor to Dublin. Since we will be doing this in the summer I figured we need a little summer incentive. Water activity is included this year. 30 to 45 minutes of water activity i.e. playing with kids, body boarding, whirlpool, water aerobics, constitutes 1 mile. Also we are counting poundage. For every pound you lose a week that counts as a mile. For every pound you gain back that is a mile that you lose. I think that is GREAT incentive (It was my moms idea) and to kick it off my mom lost 5 pounds this week! AWESOME JOB MOM!!!! We have a new walker with us. Ms. Beckett will be joining us. YEAH BECKETT.
So for one week we have done a total 89.5 miles. We may have more. I am waiting for Becky and Dana to send me their weekly numbers. But its all good. We are currently in Bremen, Indiana. A little known fact about Bremen... On Thanksgiving day 2009, a first grade class in Bremen Elementary School made national news by "boasting 5 sets of twins and one set of triplets". Holy WOW! what is in the water in Bremen!
I am feeling so much better. The ear infection is FINALLY gone. Only one month. Talk about ridiculous. But I am back on track. I can actually get myself back to lifting weights which surprisingly I have found I love. I have also fallen in love with the StairMaster. Talk about sweating my ass off. But there is a line to get on it at Anytime Fitness. So we have been putting in a request for another one. I am excited. My bad shoulder has been getting stronger. I haven't been having pain like I used to and it isn't slipping out. I am waiting for my foot to stop being a dumb ass, plantar facia, and I can get back to running. I am excited about that. I got a few helpful tips for my foot from one of the trainers. She showed me how to stretch the foot by using a towel and putting it across the ball of my foot and pulling to toward me and stretching and also to roll a tennis ball around with my foot. It kind of hurts at first but oh it feels so good after.
Well it is prayer time, then nap time, than work time, in that order
Dear God, Thank You for today! Thank You for the wonderful people I have in my life. Thank You for loving me and guiding me. Thank You for helping me find myself in the down ward spiral and helping me to find a way back up.God please look after my Grandma Kelly and my Uncle Marlin as they struggle with illness. Please look over my mom and help her. And please bless my sisters. Please help us as we journey to Ireland. Give us strength when we feel like quiting and remind us that even though the journey isn't literal the results in the end are breath taking. In your name we pray. Amen
Love Garth Brooks. Sorry I missed the stepping off of our Ireland trip I was feeling like complete CR-A-Pah! But I am feeling MUCH better now so I am here to kick it off. I figured I would go over the deets real quick and update everyone and tell everyone about the new twist we are adding!
We are walking to Ireland!!!! Not literally of course. Everyone counts the miles they walk in a day and they send them to me. I keep tally and at the end of the week I tell you where in the world we are, how far we have gone and how much farther we have to go. We are starting at my Moms house in the South Suburbs of Chicago and walking our way to Bangor, Maine. That is a total of 1,110 miles. Since we can't really walk across water, last one to do that was Jesus and while he maybe on this journey with us it isn't literal so I'm not worried about it. It is a total of 2,865 miles from Bangor to Dublin. Since we will be doing this in the summer I figured we need a little summer incentive. Water activity is included this year. 30 to 45 minutes of water activity i.e. playing with kids, body boarding, whirlpool, water aerobics, constitutes 1 mile. Also we are counting poundage. For every pound you lose a week that counts as a mile. For every pound you gain back that is a mile that you lose. I think that is GREAT incentive (It was my moms idea) and to kick it off my mom lost 5 pounds this week! AWESOME JOB MOM!!!! We have a new walker with us. Ms. Beckett will be joining us. YEAH BECKETT.
So for one week we have done a total 89.5 miles. We may have more. I am waiting for Becky and Dana to send me their weekly numbers. But its all good. We are currently in Bremen, Indiana. A little known fact about Bremen... On Thanksgiving day 2009, a first grade class in Bremen Elementary School made national news by "boasting 5 sets of twins and one set of triplets". Holy WOW! what is in the water in Bremen!
I am feeling so much better. The ear infection is FINALLY gone. Only one month. Talk about ridiculous. But I am back on track. I can actually get myself back to lifting weights which surprisingly I have found I love. I have also fallen in love with the StairMaster. Talk about sweating my ass off. But there is a line to get on it at Anytime Fitness. So we have been putting in a request for another one. I am excited. My bad shoulder has been getting stronger. I haven't been having pain like I used to and it isn't slipping out. I am waiting for my foot to stop being a dumb ass, plantar facia, and I can get back to running. I am excited about that. I got a few helpful tips for my foot from one of the trainers. She showed me how to stretch the foot by using a towel and putting it across the ball of my foot and pulling to toward me and stretching and also to roll a tennis ball around with my foot. It kind of hurts at first but oh it feels so good after.
Well it is prayer time, then nap time, than work time, in that order
Dear God, Thank You for today! Thank You for the wonderful people I have in my life. Thank You for loving me and guiding me. Thank You for helping me find myself in the down ward spiral and helping me to find a way back up.God please look after my Grandma Kelly and my Uncle Marlin as they struggle with illness. Please look over my mom and help her. And please bless my sisters. Please help us as we journey to Ireland. Give us strength when we feel like quiting and remind us that even though the journey isn't literal the results in the end are breath taking. In your name we pray. Amen
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Can You HEAR that??!! Alleluia
He is Risen! He is Risen indeed, Alleluia! He is Risen! He is Risen indeed, Alleluia!! Such beautiful words to hear. The songs at church today are some of my favorites. But I couldn't sing them. My ears are so filled up with fluid I can't hear anything outside of my head. I can hear my heart beat. I can hear the popping, I can hear myself think and breath. But ask me a question, or have a conversation with me and I can't really hold my own.
I told Hank he has to talk at me when he is explaining the exercises and if their are other people talking in the background then he might as well start over. I am miserable. I gained .4 pounds back. My balance is totally jacked up. I have had days where sitting up makes me dizzy and sick. I am so tired, I feel like I am off. Like my body is a few beats off its timing. Right now I feel like a dizzy fool!
I went to the Dr. about it. He gave me ear drops and z-pack and it killed the infection and got rid of the wax but the fluid is still there. Days and days. I have taken Claratin and benadryl and now I am taking sudafed. The pharmacist said that will dry out my sinus's. Here's to hoping.
To be honest I am having a hard time writing this. I am distracted and tired and my ears and thumping. I might try again later. Maybe
I told Hank he has to talk at me when he is explaining the exercises and if their are other people talking in the background then he might as well start over. I am miserable. I gained .4 pounds back. My balance is totally jacked up. I have had days where sitting up makes me dizzy and sick. I am so tired, I feel like I am off. Like my body is a few beats off its timing. Right now I feel like a dizzy fool!
I went to the Dr. about it. He gave me ear drops and z-pack and it killed the infection and got rid of the wax but the fluid is still there. Days and days. I have taken Claratin and benadryl and now I am taking sudafed. The pharmacist said that will dry out my sinus's. Here's to hoping.
To be honest I am having a hard time writing this. I am distracted and tired and my ears and thumping. I might try again later. Maybe
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Guess whose pregnant~!~!~
Not me. April Fools!! Ha Ha I know it's lame but it's fun all the same. I have to say there weren't any pranks this year. Thank God, I just don't want to deal with them. But there were a lot of blessings to spread around. All I can say is I have a wonderful family and I am so happy to have them here with me. God is good!!
I don't know if I mentioned this but I joined a Biggest Loser competition at Anytime Fitness. It is going until May 10th. First place is $300, 2nd is $200 and 3rd is $100. I want the top prize baby. But in order for that to happen I have to get rid of this sinus thing that is making me have fluid build up in my ear. I feel totally out of whack and it hurts like hell.
So the competition started on the 10th of March. And since then I have lost 4.4 pounds and 5 inches. I keep kicking myself because it would have been more but Monday I binged like a fat kid at an all you can eat buffet. I just couldn't stop. And the thing is it wasn't even good food. There was a lot of bread and peanut butter. Not always together. But after my little meltdown I got back to the gym and busted it harder. Thing is I am not doing awesome. Because of this sinus/ear thing I have had a few days where I don't work out and let me tell you I feel horrible about it! I feel like I am cheating! But when I start to get dizzy and ready to fall over well that means that I need to stop. SO I did.If I am not feeling better tomorrow, Monday, than I am going to call the Dr. and see if I can get in. I hate Dr. offices :( They make me a sad panda.
I found out what a plank is, besides the things that they said pirates had to walk. I thought oh this can't be that hard. MY ASS!!!! Or I should say my abs. A minute never seems to long unless you are waiting for a baby to be born, a commercial to be over or to finish a one minute plank. My abs scream, my body shakes, my arms are gelatinous blobs of goo. But I make it, Not once but twice and one day I did it three times. I feel like Kate Winslet in Titanic, I am the Queen of the world. Until Hank makes us do something else. Have I mentioned I love Hank? I don't think I could do this without him.
I am using free weights, the thought of those before scared me. I didn't want to go into the are where the big bad body builders were. The place was like a china shop and I was the bull. But now I know how to use things over there. I can load my own weights. I know how to properly position myself. I may not know the names but I am pretty sure I know the purpose and knowing is half the battle.
I feel like a Loser and I am so OK with that.
So as I said before we have completed Cancun. I am talking to my mom and sisters and we are figuring out a day to do our fiesta. All participants are welcome to come and join us. On the 16th I will be starting our trip to Ireland. We will be walking 1,226 miles to Bangor, Maine. From there we will be hoping a plane to Ireland and that will take us 2802 miles over the beautiful blue ocean. Yes for this walk we are adding swimming to the mix. I will figure out the details as we come closer to summer, but we are all pretty water orientated and I think a little splash would add, well, a splash!
So I think it is bed time. So lets say a little prayer.
Dear God, Thank You for today. Thank You for loving me and watching over me. I am so blessed to be Your child. Thank You for the ultimate gift of Your son. Thank You for my Uncle Marlin. He is a miracle. Thank You for my Grandma Kelly. I am so glad she was here to celebrate such a wonderful day with us. Thank You for my cousin Chris. I am so glad to see him here. There are mountains we all must climb, but with God we can climb them all and find our way home. Thank You for all the little blessings that have been coming into my life. In Your name we pray. Amen
I don't know if I mentioned this but I joined a Biggest Loser competition at Anytime Fitness. It is going until May 10th. First place is $300, 2nd is $200 and 3rd is $100. I want the top prize baby. But in order for that to happen I have to get rid of this sinus thing that is making me have fluid build up in my ear. I feel totally out of whack and it hurts like hell.
So the competition started on the 10th of March. And since then I have lost 4.4 pounds and 5 inches. I keep kicking myself because it would have been more but Monday I binged like a fat kid at an all you can eat buffet. I just couldn't stop. And the thing is it wasn't even good food. There was a lot of bread and peanut butter. Not always together. But after my little meltdown I got back to the gym and busted it harder. Thing is I am not doing awesome. Because of this sinus/ear thing I have had a few days where I don't work out and let me tell you I feel horrible about it! I feel like I am cheating! But when I start to get dizzy and ready to fall over well that means that I need to stop. SO I did.If I am not feeling better tomorrow, Monday, than I am going to call the Dr. and see if I can get in. I hate Dr. offices :( They make me a sad panda.
I found out what a plank is, besides the things that they said pirates had to walk. I thought oh this can't be that hard. MY ASS!!!! Or I should say my abs. A minute never seems to long unless you are waiting for a baby to be born, a commercial to be over or to finish a one minute plank. My abs scream, my body shakes, my arms are gelatinous blobs of goo. But I make it, Not once but twice and one day I did it three times. I feel like Kate Winslet in Titanic, I am the Queen of the world. Until Hank makes us do something else. Have I mentioned I love Hank? I don't think I could do this without him.
I am using free weights, the thought of those before scared me. I didn't want to go into the are where the big bad body builders were. The place was like a china shop and I was the bull. But now I know how to use things over there. I can load my own weights. I know how to properly position myself. I may not know the names but I am pretty sure I know the purpose and knowing is half the battle.
I feel like a Loser and I am so OK with that.
So as I said before we have completed Cancun. I am talking to my mom and sisters and we are figuring out a day to do our fiesta. All participants are welcome to come and join us. On the 16th I will be starting our trip to Ireland. We will be walking 1,226 miles to Bangor, Maine. From there we will be hoping a plane to Ireland and that will take us 2802 miles over the beautiful blue ocean. Yes for this walk we are adding swimming to the mix. I will figure out the details as we come closer to summer, but we are all pretty water orientated and I think a little splash would add, well, a splash!
So I think it is bed time. So lets say a little prayer.
Dear God, Thank You for today. Thank You for loving me and watching over me. I am so blessed to be Your child. Thank You for the ultimate gift of Your son. Thank You for my Uncle Marlin. He is a miracle. Thank You for my Grandma Kelly. I am so glad she was here to celebrate such a wonderful day with us. Thank You for my cousin Chris. I am so glad to see him here. There are mountains we all must climb, but with God we can climb them all and find our way home. Thank You for all the little blessings that have been coming into my life. In Your name we pray. Amen
Sunday, March 25, 2012
cough cough achoo
Things I hate, being sick, being fat, people who eat with their mouths open, being sad, food that doesn't taste nearly as good as it looks and has more calories than is worth it. But out of all of those I hate being sick the most.
Thursday I worked out and I had that metallic taste in my mouth and the heaviness on my chest. I felt the cold coming before it hit. Friday I was so miserable I slept most of the day and then from 8 p.m. to noon Saturday. Basically the same thing Saturday into Sunday. The people in my house keep telling me its cold in here. I however am sweating and I feel like I'm in an oven. Right now I am restless an ready to come out of my skin. I took Lex grocery shopping. In and out in an hour and it feels like I ran a marathon. But the guilt is the worst part. I didn't exercise Friday, Saturday or Sunday. I'm hoping against hopes that I can exercise tomorrow, but that requires strength and being able to breath! This bites monkey toes.
I did however accomplish a few things this weekend. I sprayed my fruit trees, so maybe this year we will have apples we can eat. I looked at my garden and realized I need more dirt. I thought about working on it and then thought not. It takes a lot of energy to shovel and I had just spent a lot on watering the trees. I got groceries. Folded 4 loads of laundry. So I did something, it just doesn't feel like much.
I am going to tell you the Cancun news later. Once I get the total numbers. But I can tell you this, in our virtual walking world we are sitting on the beach drinking pina colatas and soaking up the sun.
Well look for something from me on Wednesday. I think I might be more up to type then.
God, Thank You for today. Thank You for my wonderful family. Thank You for the moments we have together. Thank You for my kids and my husband. I am so blessed. Thank You for dying on the cross to save me from my sins. In your name we pray. Amen
Thursday I worked out and I had that metallic taste in my mouth and the heaviness on my chest. I felt the cold coming before it hit. Friday I was so miserable I slept most of the day and then from 8 p.m. to noon Saturday. Basically the same thing Saturday into Sunday. The people in my house keep telling me its cold in here. I however am sweating and I feel like I'm in an oven. Right now I am restless an ready to come out of my skin. I took Lex grocery shopping. In and out in an hour and it feels like I ran a marathon. But the guilt is the worst part. I didn't exercise Friday, Saturday or Sunday. I'm hoping against hopes that I can exercise tomorrow, but that requires strength and being able to breath! This bites monkey toes.
I did however accomplish a few things this weekend. I sprayed my fruit trees, so maybe this year we will have apples we can eat. I looked at my garden and realized I need more dirt. I thought about working on it and then thought not. It takes a lot of energy to shovel and I had just spent a lot on watering the trees. I got groceries. Folded 4 loads of laundry. So I did something, it just doesn't feel like much.
I am going to tell you the Cancun news later. Once I get the total numbers. But I can tell you this, in our virtual walking world we are sitting on the beach drinking pina colatas and soaking up the sun.
Well look for something from me on Wednesday. I think I might be more up to type then.
God, Thank You for today. Thank You for my wonderful family. Thank You for the moments we have together. Thank You for my kids and my husband. I am so blessed. Thank You for dying on the cross to save me from my sins. In your name we pray. Amen
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