A pictures worth a thousand calories

I fell. I fell a few weeks ago and I have been making a half-assed attempt to get back on the wagon, but I have to admit that I fell and I haven't gotten back up. My therapist told me once that the failure isn't in the falling its in the not getting back up. As much as I want to lose weight and get myself back in shape I haven't wanted to make the true effort to do it. Its easier to stay down and make excuses than it is to dust yourself off and get back on track. The wagon isn't that far away. I can get to it and get on it, I just have to want to stay on it.
With that being said today I got a message that I needed to hear. I believe that God is talking to us. We just have to open our ears and our eyes and our hearts. He doesn't send notes in the mail, he doesn't call on the phone, but he communicates with us all the time. For the past couple days I have been searching for inspiration. Something to give me that push that I need to get it done. But nothing has caught me. Today something did. 3 big fat photo albums. 1995, 1996 and 1997. I saw myself as a young woman. My hair was full and thick, curly and big. I had cheekbones and A chin! Just one not many. I was thin enough to wear clothing that only had one digit, but I was healthy and curvy. I didn't have tree truck legs or chicken jiggle arms. More than likely in some of those pictures I didn't wear a bra, but I was young enough where that wasn't a major catastrophe like it is now. Even when my face was bloated and puffy from hives you could see that I was pretty. I was someone else, someone I don't see now.
I know I could get depressed by this. I could fall into a trap of self pity. Oh I was so young, if I only knew. I was so pretty. I will never look like that again. I will never feel like that again. Etc. But I didn't feel like that. I looked at myself and I remembered what my life was like back then. Its not like it is now. I cant be that girl anymore, but I can feel like her again. I looked at myself and I saw hope. I felt hope. I felt like someone was there saying see, see her, she is you. She is still inside of you. She is still inside of me.
In order for me to let her out I have to be honest with myself. I have not been faithful to myself. I have not followed the plan that God and my doctor have set out for me. I have made excuses and now I have to stop making excuses and start making progress again. I hate to exercise but I know it is something I need to do. Even if it is just a little bit a day, it is something. I need to get back to eating my breakfast, lunch and dinner. I don't snack or eat all day long if I start my day with a bowl of oatmeal and I need to pray. I need to open myself up and let him in. I have tried half-heartily to do it on my own, but it is obvious that I cant. Seeing those photographs opened my eyes.
I would like to take a moment and say a prayer here.Dear God, Thank you for today!!! Thank you for your love, for your Son and for the message you have sent to me. I am flawed, I don't know what I am doing half the time and I don't know how to stop myself when I get out of control. I have tried to take this journey alone. I haven't given my all to you and I haven't accepted all you have given to me. I have failed many different ways. But I know you are there and you will help me up. All I have to do is ask. God, I am asking, please help me back up. I may not be the person I once was but I think that I can be someone much better. But I know I cant do it alone. I cant do it without you. Amen