The Abuse Excuse or The Excuse Abuse.. you decide

A handful of you may know the title of this blog but a great deal of you, more than likely, do not. So let me give you a little back story before I get to the point. When I was at South Suburban I have a very odd creative writing teacher who brought out an interesting and rather dark side in me. I wrote a short story/ poem called The Abuse Excuse. The poem was about a very troubled relationship. The woman was trying to walk away from a man who mentally and physically abused her. You never heard her speak, all you heard were his words. You heard him telling her that she couldn't leave, that there was still a relationship, that she was his, that she still loved him, that it was her fault that he hit her, in the end when he killed her it was her fault and it was her fault that there was such a mess. All she had to do was say she loved him all she had to do was say she would stay.

The point of all that is that so many excuses were made for his actions and reactions. He didn't take responsibility for the things he did. He blamed others. He blamed situations. He abused her and made excuses for it and he had excuses and abused his ability to make them.

I have had a million excuses lately. A million. I have abused my "right" to have or to use an excuse. Sometimes excuse and reason get foggy to me. A child up sick all night, reason or excuse? Neither here nor their.

This is why I am here this is what I need to talk about. My weight. I put a few pounds back on. When I was preparing to wright this I had a million excuses lined up. Easter candy, lack of sleep, rain, depression, movies...etc. Truth of the matter. I haven't been trying and I haven't been trying in a while. I have been lazy and hopeful. I haven't been journeying I have been sitting and whining. I have been making excuses and abusing my body. I am the man in the poem. I have mentally and physically beaten myself. I do not love myself enough to break the cycle of abuse. I do not believe in myself enough to stand up and say this is enough, you cant do this to me anymore.

I need an intervention and a re-invention. So I have to let go of a few things I have been using as an excuse for a while now.

1. 1) I keep saying I don't like to have an exercise routine. I have complained and griped and made excuses about that left and right. I say I can lose the weight just by going out and enjoying life. But it is obvious that without it I am stuck in a rut. So starting today I will have an exercise routine. 

1. 2) Those who know me well know that breakfast and lunch are hard for me. I know that eat those two meals every day. But I hate eating in the morning and lunch confuses me some days. I just never know what to eat. I know people eat lunch but what?

1. 3) I must remember to take my meds with my meals. It really isn't an option anymore.

I think that is a good amount for right now. It is a place to start. I need to be honest with myself. Some days that is harder than it might seem. So there might be some smaller blog updates through out the weeks just to keep me honest. I might not post those so if you happen to hop on here and look through and see them sweet.

 I also changed the comment settings so it should be easier to leave comments on here. I love comments. They make me feel special and loved so keep them rolling in.

OK time for a little prayer.

Dear God, Thank you for today. Thank you for the gift of your Son, Jesus Christ. He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed!!! I am so blessed to have such a wonderful group of people surrounding me. People who have stuck by me through this, who have nudged me when I needed nudging, but have never judged me and have never abused me. Please God, be with those who are lost in relationship that are abusive. Whether it be with someone in their lives or something in their lives. Help them to find a way out of that abusive relationship and into your arms. It is probably one of the hardest things we will ever do but we need to stop making the excuses and walk away. Thank you God for loving me. Amen