I bought, I baked, I bombed... but I'm ok.

Anyone with kids in school knows how true this next statement is. Buying snacks for lunches is expensive. You dont want to fill them up with crap, ding-dongs and ho-hos and all of that. I think it is ridiculous that you pay $2.50 or more for a box of yum yum's and you only get 6. Between the kids and Dave that box will be empty in 2 days flat. I don't know about you but I want to spend as little time grocery shopping as possible. I dont want to go to the store every other day. So I decided to bake.

My sister Dana, is the baker in the family. Dana can bake all kinds of yummy stuff. Recently she has started baking with wheat flour instead of white, so I decided that I was going to do the same. Austin has been begging me for months to make apple dumplings. I got a recipe on-line for apple dumplings. I went to the store, I bought what I needed and I set a date to make my dumplings.

Saturday morning I made the dough and the sauce. I peeled and cored the apples. I had everything set up. But I must have been doing something wrong. Because the wonderful yummy dumplings I expected were not all that great. I think next time I will go half and half on the flour. But I bombed. I killed it, I totally missed it on this one. And I am ok with it. I was glad that I at least tried. I am not going to let my bubble be popped. Tomorrow I am going to make cookies and I am going to use my wheat flour.

I have been fighting with these same few pounds for a while. Well this week I got out of the 240's. I got myself down to 237.2. I was so excited. I did a little dance in the kitchen.

I have been struggling with this whole work thing. The truth of the matter is I'm not as happy as I used to be. But I have to make a change. I either go on a regular schedule so that I am not struggling to get my hours in on Sunday, or I quit. Tomorrow morning when Austin goes to school I am putting on my shit shoveling shoes and I am going to go to work. I can only get 6 hours a week so I figure if I go Monday, Wednesday and Friday for 2 hours in the morning it will give me something to do other than sleep.

Dave says I need to do a Vision Quest. It is a Native American spiritual path to finding your purpose in life. It's not a fun activity. You go somewhere, the woods, a mountain, a field.... and you make a circle and for 4 days you only leave the circle to go to the bathroom. You do not eat, some tribes say you do not drink water, you fast. In those 4 days your senses will become hightened. Your dreams become more vivid and you are supposed to find your purpose. I think I would lose my mind in only a few hours. But I could be wrong. I just know I have to find my purpose. Maybe then I wont feel like it hurts to be.

I have a goal for this week. Its simple. This week I will get down on my knees and I will pray every day. I will ask God for guidance and wisdom. I also plan to move. Little steps or big, I will move my body. I have been looking into couch to 5k programs. I'll be honest they scare me.

Well I am going to say my prayer and then go and try to clear my head.

Dear God, Thank You for today! Thank You for my friends and my family. I am so glad that I have them. Please watch over my Grandma Kelly. She has a rough road ahead of her with surgery for cancer and her recovery. Please be with her and the rest of my family. I would also like to say a prayer for A-me. She knows why, as do you. I would also like to say a prayer for Sandee. I feel like she might be struggling and she needs your guidance. I know that You are with these strong women. Please help me not to over-eat this week. Please help calm my nerves while I wait for these tests to be run and get the results. Please watch over us all. In your name we pray. Amen


Hey Jill I think you need an apple dumpling recipe for What We Eat .

Organization is not a four letter word

I feel the need to get organized. Don't ask why. I don't understand it myself. But I am feeling the need for organization in my life. So I started with something small today. I organized my coupon book. I started a menu for next week and I started the shopping list for next Friday. That way I am not guessing. I am writing a schedule for tomorrow too. Crazy I know, But I want to be more organized. I just feel like I will accomplish more and feel better about myself.


We downloaded Fruit Ninja for the XBOX360. OMG! way to much fun!!! Let me tell you that is a work out! I think I am going to get Zumba. I am more likely to do some Zumba at the house than to go out and do it. I am afraid to look like a fool. But ya know what maybe I need to go out and look like a fool.
Maybe I need to go out and live life again. Maybe that is my problem!

On top of organization I also feel the need to be Thankful. I have decided that I need to clear my mind and my soul of my anger and stress toward others. There are people in my life that are drama and irritation and I find myself wanting to ring their necks and I realize that their drama has no bearing on my life. None at all. It doesn't matter what they say or do, it doesn't matter that they breath. So why am I stressing their existence. So I have decided to be thankful. I am going to try every day to find things that I am thankful for. When I feel like I am going to explode from irritation I am going to step back and think about it. I think less stress is going to lead to a little less eating. Considering I am a stress eater.

I am thankful that I know a little bit about Bi Polar.
I am thankful for my sisters, for my mom, and for my Aunt Di.
I am thankful for my husband and my beautiful kids
I am thankful for my old, fat, grouchy, lovable dog Tators.
I am thankful for all of you.

OK on to Cancun.
 We have made it a total of 1000 miles from good old Thornton, IL. This week we covered 55 miles. We are now in the Sam Houston National Forest.The Forest Preserve was established in 1935. it covers a total of 161,508 acres. It has a 128 mile Lone Star hiking trail! Can you imagine hiking that one. You can still camp out in the wild. Except during hunting season when you can only camp in designated camping areas. How much fun is that!!!!

I have been yo yoing with the same 3 pounds. I guess that's not to bad. With everything in the end at least I haven't gained a million back. But I would much rather be losing it. I am hoping that I will be losing it. I am going to start taking a multi vitamin that a friend of mine from work game me. We will see how that goes.

Well I believe it is time for a little prayer and then we are off to do more laundry and organizing.

Dear God, Thank You for today! Thank You, for all the wonderful people in my life. I am so blessed. Thank You for helping me to rejuvenate my body and mind. Thank You for being my Savior, for loving me unconditionally. Thank You for guiding me and helping me to find my way out of the darkness. I am not out yet, but with your love and guidance I know I can get there. God please be with those who are lost. Help guide them home. Please be with those who suffer. Whose arms and hearts are empty and broken. Please be with those who are fighting demons they can not see, depression, addiction, PTSD. Please comfort the sick and the dying. In your name we pray. Amen

Oh and as always Check out my friend Jills blog What We Eat !!

I dont mean to be rude but ......

For the last six months you have been looking like hell! A good friend of mine said that to me today. So I asked Dave if it was true. He said, "That's kind of harsh, but you definitely look run down." I don't know if that is any better, but I know in both cases its the truth. I look and I feel like hell. I am feeling run down. The simple task of showering is mind blowingly difficult some days. Its not that I don't want to finish the tasks that I set forth, I do, but I don't have the energy to do it. All my body wants and needs is more sleep. I am tired all the time.

Now I don't want you to think that my friend came out of the blue and said this to me, She didn't just call me up and say "Hey Tina, You look like crap!" No we were talking about my appointment with the neurologist today. I finally got in to see him and I am glad that I did. First off I like him because he did something that other people haven't done before. He threw out all the old diagnosis and said lets start with just the symptoms. Now I'll tell ya, hes a little, um, abrupt, factual, short, to the point maybe. He wants all the details. He listened, and when I forgot something and had an oh yeah moment he was OK with it and went back and made more notes. He didn't write me off like the other neurologist did.

So I have a slew of tests ordered. A bunch of blood work, which I have to fast for. One of those tests is B12 and folic acid (I believe) My mom said good! Someone should be testing for those, with all the meds I am on, those should be tested anyway. He also ordered an MRI, MRI w/contrast, PET scan and a CAT scan, and EMG's of the face, legs and arms. I think there was one other but I don't remember. Oh yeah a sleep study. I am going to be a busy girl.

Years ago the neurologist I went to told me that the tic in my face was only going to be managed with botox injections. This dr. told me that botox would never have helped me. It looks like I may have Tourettes and Botox has no effect on that.  To me it doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that there is a Dr. who is listening.

This has been an emotional weekend. Six years ago on Sunday September 11th my beloved Poppy passed away. The weekend he died was very much like the weekend we had this weekend but it ended on a much better note. Saturday we went apple picking. We went as a family, Me and Lex, Mom, Micci and her two kids, Dana and her daughter and GiGi. Austin had his friends stay the night so he was out of the mix. We bought over 200 pounds of apples. The walk felt good. I cant tell you how much I enjoy walking in the apple orchard with my family. Our first trip was the day before Poppy died. I thought it would be our last. Sunday we went to church, This year we had the church picnic, so church was outside at a forest preserve. I think in its own way it was fitting. Poppy was there, all around us Sunday. On September 11th 2005 Poppy was supposed to attend a baptism and a birthday party. It was supposed to be a day to celebrate. September 11th, 2011 we celebrated at the church picnic. In St. Paul style we released balloons into the air with our names and the name of the church and return address. Every year people write back and tell us how far our balloon has gone. If I had thought about it I would have put Poppy's name on it. But I don't think helium can make it to heaven.

~~~~~WELL I HAVE A CANCUN UPDATE~~~~~~

Yes we have made some progress. Thanks to everyone for getting out there and making it happen. We are now in the great state of Texas my friends. He have made our way to Lufkin. Welcome to Texas Forest Country—home of the Pineywoods Purgatory. If you’ve ridden the Purgatory before, you know this is an unforgettable ride! As you pedal the rolling hills that lead you through our thickly
wooded forests, the challenge of this terrain becomes evident. The beauty of an October day in East Texas will be a ride you’ll never forget—and it’ll make you want to come back for more! Join us for what will be an exciting and scenic ride—the Pineywoods Purgatory.  

25 mile route…takes you through gently rolling hills.
A quick, invigorating ride!
52 mile route…shows off our lush forests and the
rural communities that dot the area
72 mile route…Our most popular ride. Provides a
scenic view of three counties including an iron bridge
crossing! Recommended for the experienced cyclist.
102 mile route…wonderfully hilly ride that winds
through many small hamlets with names like Sweet
Union and Atoy—plus a finish you’ll never forget.
Should be attempted by the experienced cyclist only.

That sounds like something I would like to do one day!!!  Whose with me? I think we can do it!! I think we can!. Only 1889 miles to go! I know it seems like a lot, But we can get there. We just have to keep going.

Well I think it is time for a prayer and then I am off to bed.

Dear God, Thank You for today. Thank You for helping me find a Dr. who is willing to listen to me. Thank You for my friends who love me and encourage me and support me. Thank You for my family, without them I would be lost. Thank You for my church family they are a rock I can always lean on. God, please continue to help those who are hurting from the attacks of 9/11. Help us as a nation to heal. Where were you when the world stopped turning? Right where you always had been. In your name we pray. Amen.

I'm so glad you could make it

Today was Austin's family birthday party. I think it went well. My house looked nice. The yard looked good. The food was tasty. I introduced my mom, sisters and Aunt Di to wood chopping. ( Hopefully I will have pics to come at a later date) I think my mom will be getting a splitting maul for Christmas. She was out there rocking it. I think its funny because you never know what you will learn when you come out here. I said next time they come out they can learn how to shoot a rifle. LOL I think mom will do it but I don't think my sisters will be up on that one. Cake and ice cream went well. I had a little of both. Austin was funny, he was itching to get to those presents. I think he was ready to come out his skin. We told him we were going to play red neck hide and seek. He needed to go hide and we would guess were he was. Finally we let him sit down and open presents.

Austin is a WEBELO Scout. WEBELO means We BE LOYAL Scouts. Scouting is something that was very important to my dads side of the family. Not so much with my dad but my Aunt Di was a den mother and my Uncle Marlin and Grandpa Kelly were Den Leaders. There wasn't a time I didn't remember something related to scouting going on. There were popcorn sales and wreath sales. There were hikes and camp outs. People knew my Grandpa and respected him.

My Aunt Di gave Austin some scouting stuff. A compass, tin cup, mess kit and a collapsible cup. Then there was the gift that I KNEW was coming. I was "PREPARED" for this. Only I wasn't. Aunt Di had found Grandpa Kelly's old ALICE Pack. For those who don't know an ALICE pack is one of the packs that looks like a backpack on a metal frame. You can put your sleeping bag on there, canteen, etc.. Well, I was a little misty eyed when he got it. Then Aunt Di started to tell him about it and he was like "cool." He put it on and he decided to look inside. What we didn't know was that Grandpa hadn't cleaned it out. That was what I wasn't prepared for.

As my husband and my son opened the various zippers and pulled out different items my Aunt would tell them different things. I know it is silly but I could feel him there with us. Not just me but all of us. Grandpas love was there. His memory was as strong as the sun shining down on us all. The love he had for scouts was being handed down to my son. His love for his family was in the air. I know it sounds silly. It's like a movie, or a song, But there was so much emotion in the air, so much love it was beautiful. I believe with every fiber in me that my Grandpa was there today. I believe that for the first time in 5 years my Grandpa was alive.

Today was a very emotional day. It kind of made everything I stressed about this past week feel like it was "eh." But at the time it wasn't "eh."

I have been a bad record keeper this week and I haven't asked anyone for their mileage. I know it kind of feels hit and miss. But I think with school getting back into session its been a little off for us all. But I am going to get on myself and everyone this week to report at the end of the day so I can get us out of Louisiana. I would love to be in Mexico by the end of September.

I gained 2 pounds this week. I am not proud of myself. Originally it was like7. But I have worked off 5 of it. I think that 5 of it was from the wedding, lack of sleep and lots of booze and grease. So I am still up 2.

I am still working on my purpose. I don't know what it is. I am still looking. Tomorrow my purpose is to clean the barn and hang feed buckets. Not all that interesting. But its a job. I think I need to charge my camera battery and go take some pictures. I think Sandee needs a new picture for her desk.

Well I am feeling a little off right now so I think I am going to pray and re-read this to make sure it makes sense.

Dear God, Thank You for today! Thank You for the wonderful family that surrounds me. Thank You for small gifts of love that you don't expect. Thank You for my son. My wonderful boy who is such a gift. Thank You for bringing my Grandpa to us today. Thank You for good weather and good friends. God Please watch over those who are scared and alone. Those whose hearts are breaking. Please comfort and protect them. Please watch over the soldiers who fight for my liberties and for the laborers who have sacrificed themselves so that I may have so many of the things I enjoy. Please watch over those who are suffering. Those who are fighting demons they can not see. Please help them find peace. In Your name we pray. Amen.

Large ALICE Field Pack with Frame and Full Outfit LC-1 Green