You wanna make a memory?

There are several different recipes for memories. There are good memories and bad memories. Childhood memories, best friend memories. Love, loss, birth and death, all kinds of memories. All you need is a moment in time, you can add friends or loved ones. The setting can be different for everyone. You just have to remember. Becket suggested that I start writing down my memories. In case the diagnosis comes back to Alzheimer's. The more I say it the more I am ok with it. Alzheimer's. Hmm. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea. After all there are so many uncertainties in life. If I died, what would my kids know of my memories.

But where do I start? Like last night, Friday, I went out with Jen. Jen and I are "newer" friends. We got to know each other a lot better last night. We talked about life and love. Hope and heartbreak. She shared memories of her dad, who died last year. I like to listen to other peoples memories, they tell you so much about a person. Her memories were so full of love and happiness. You could see that she loved her dad. Her Doodle.

I shared a memory with Becket, and I am going to share it here as well. This is one of those memories that my sisters and I all remember. Its fun to see what they remember of it and what I remember. But here it goes.

My sister Dana had kidney issues when she was little. She was in and out of the hospital a lot before she turned five. I was always afraid when she got sick. I was only 7 or 8 when she got sick one time and we decided we needed to cheer her up when she got home. We gathered all our friends and made a plan. Dana's favorite thing was Care Bears. So we were going to do a parade for her. Paper bags were the way to go back then, so everyone had a ton of them. We got markers and crayons and pencils and scissors and set out to make Care Bear masks. We cut arm holes and eye holes. We picked colors and tummy symbols. We made signs, I don't remember what they said but we had them. When everything was colored and taped and cut we went around the block and told my mom we were ready. My mom and Dana sat on the deck. We marched around the corner singing our songs and waving our signs. High step marching and arms swinging. Micci, Stephanie, James, Kathy, Freddy, Buffy , I believe Angie and Rachael and me. All of us coming together to make Dana smile.

I am 35 now, I don't find occasion to put paper bags on my head, but I would be more than happy to get the bags and markers and scissors out again if it would make a memory for someone else to love.

~~~~~CANCUN UPDATE~~~~~

Yes I did it, I finally got it together. I got the numbers and added them together and consulted my maps and I have  a location. We are in Catemaco, Veracruz-Llave, Mexico. A town with a population of 46,702 people. One of the featured attractions of the town are the "Monkey Islands", populated by monkeys originating in Southeast Asia, who were imported for an abandoned research project. (2)Almost 100 boats compete to ferry tourists out to see these Macaque monkeys imported to the islands in the 1970s.

We are 671 miles from Cancun. I am so excited!.!.

Becky and I started mall walking last week and I am planing on being there a lot this next week.

So here we are at the end. Time for a prayer and some sleep.
Dear God, Thank You for today. Thank You for old friends and new. Thank You for loving me. I pray that continue to be with Becket. She is hurting right now and needs You. Please be with me this week and in the weeks to come. Help me to be a good parent, wife, sister, daughter and friend. In Your name we pray. Amen

Tick Tock, Tick Tock.

Seems like I spend a lot of time thinking about time. Do I have time to do this or that. How much time will it take for me to get to this appointment or that. Do I have time to make a pie? Or take a nap? Or think? I know there are only 24 hours in a day. But sometimes I wish there were ore, then I think about it and if there were more hours in a day I would still be screwed because I would cram even more crap in.

Last week I went to the Neuropsychologist. 5 hours we spent together. It didn't seem that long so I cant complain to much. But it was an hour drive to get there and an hour home, with no radio. I have to do it again this week. But now that my car is fixed I don't mind it to much. (because I now have a radio!)

Truth be told I shouldn't complain. My friend Becket, she has time worries. She has cancer. Thyroid cancer. She just found out. She is one of the greatest people I know. She is a strong independent woman who started her own business with her friend and they are doing great. She has two great kids and a wonderful Boy friend. Life for Becket was going good. Til she had poison ivy she couldn't shake and she was feeling worn down. A visit to the doctor sent her world into a tail spin and that is when time for her changed. The time between waiting for tests to be done and results to be shared. Time between doctors office and surgery. Time to spend with her kids. Time that wasn't consumed by cancer and free. How many days do you get where cancer isn't at the front of your brain? Not many. How many times can you say I love you? How much time do I have to say you're important to me?

But she also counts her time now. The time she gets to play cards with her family. Or the time she gets to spend watching T.V. with her daughter or helping her son with his homework. She counts the time where she gets to fall into her boyfriends arms and cry. She also spends time praying. Really praying and listening. There is a lot of time involved with that. I am so inspired by her strength and her views on time.

As we sat at her table eating a wonderfully yummy pie I made, she told me she felt like it was all she talked about any more. Cancer, cancer, cancer. But I asked her, If she was planning a wedding wouldn't that be all she talked about? The dress, the food, the rings...? So how is this different? It is a point in her life that is very important. It is what her world focus's around. CANCER!! It's OK to talk about it. And that I had all the kinds of time to listen.

Tomorrow she goes into surgery again. I know what time she goes in and I know what time she should be out. I know how long her hospital stay will be and I know when she should be home. I know that after this surgery and the possible radiation to follow, she will have more time.

Tonight I helped Austin with his homework. I did it with patience and I realized it took 1/4 of the usual time. I sat down on the couch with him and let him read to me. I didn't look at the clock, or bother with anything else. I just enjoyed the time I had with him. He just got done spending time with his dad watching a dumb ass t.v. show. This morning I took the time to walk with a friend. Then I took the time to watch what I ate.

I know I'll forget how much time means to me. How important certain things can be. Life will get busy and things with get crazy. I wont stop to smell the roses. But I know that one afternoon when I am feeling like life is falling down around me and I will think about Becket and the world will slow down to my pace and I will enjoy my kids and husband. I will have a beer or two or a piece of pie with friends and I will know that God is good and he has given more than enough time.

Dear God, Thank You for today! Thank You for the wonderful friends who hold me up and for the friends who allow me to help them up too. Thank You for showing me that time is not a losing thing. That I can enjoy my time with people I love. Please be with Becket tomorrow and every day after that. Watch over her surgeon and nurses. Please help comfort her kids and those who love her. In your name I pray. Amen

That new car smell

So I am thinking about getting a new car. My van has seen better days and I could use something a little better. So I have been checking things out on line and I found that I like the Jeep Patriot. So I went to the Jeep dealer today with Austin and his friend and I test drove a Patriot. I lived it, but didn't love it. When I saw the price and the monthly payment I thought about it. But here's my thing. I don't feel comfortable with it, any of it. I like the car, but I don't love it. I want to LOVE my car. Plus if I get this car that means Dave will probably end up working Sundays again. So I have to think, which is more important. Home time or a car. Well home time for the win.

This breaks my heart in a way. But it also shows I am growing up. Impulse has gotten me in trouble, so I am trying really hard to make sure to do my research and make sure I am not going to be out of my price range.I don't want to sacrifice things like family time and dinner out every once in a while. So I wait.

I have never been a patient waiter.  When I see something I like I want it now. Its the Manic side. Times have come before where my need to be impulsive is over whelming and I end up with stuff I don't need, and in the end really didn't want. I just happened to like them at that moment. I am going to work on that this year.

I figure the same thing goes for food. I am such an impulsive eater. So this week I am going to think before I eat. Nothing goes through these lips with out a careful evaluation. We shall see how the week goes

My weight stats are as follows

Starting weight 261
Current weight 250
Total loss 11 pounds.

Once again I don't have a mile count so I am going to try to get that this week.

So lets say a little prayer and be on our way

Dear God, Thank You for today. Thank You for the friends I have and the family who love me. Please be with my friend Beckett. She is going to have surgery soon to remove the cancer in her thyroid. She is such a wonderful person and she needs our prayers. Thank You for Your hidden messages. I love you.
 Amen

Do You have a resolution?

I have been thinking about this resolution thing. Every year I seem to set high goals for myself and every year I seem to fall flat. Like on year I made the resolution to learn to belly dance. Don't ask why I just did. So Becky and I got a belly dancing tape, TAPE. Yeah its been that long. We sat at my house and watched it before we were insane enough to try it. Half way through I realized my resolution was insane, but I was going to try it any way. After all this is a beginners tape. Beginner? Really, I couldn't even get my hands to do the right thing and when we stood up to try the beginners basic move, well I don't know about Becky, but I felt like a drunk monkey. To say I don't have rhythm is an understatement. I figured that maybe this was an exercise best done without an audience. For a week I did this thing. I tried to get my hips to sway and my hands to move in a fashion that resembled the instructor on t.v. But these hips are not meant for swaying. I can't even hoola hoop! I always made sure to finish before Dave got home for work. We weren't married at that time and I still had an image to keep up. Dave knew I was trying this and he had asked when I would put on a show. YEAH RIGHT! I will show ya a video of a woman belly dancing but it wont be me. In the end I did the tape for a month. A long long month. I still looked like a  pear dangling from a tree in the middle of a wind storm, but Dave didn't laugh to hard. If the resolution is considered kept or not I still learned I can't dance.

Another year I resolved to quit smoking. I think I made that resolution for 13 years. I smoked for 15. I always said my kids need me to quit. I need to do it for my health. It's to expensive... In the end it was my last surgery that did the trick. I was in the hospital for a week and I couldn't drive for another 2. No one was willing to buy them for me. So I quit. February 8th 2007. I'll tell ya the truth. I miss it. If it wasn't for the kids and Dave I would probably still smoke. But I am glad I quit. I just wish I had the smarts to have put the money away. I would be rolling in it.

One year I resolved to keep a journal, all year. Every day! I did great through 2 journals, but by the third one, mid summer, I was done. I am one of the most boring, whiny, annoying people I ever met. I can't figure out how to organize my way out of a paper bag. I still struggle to make sure I pay the bills. Most of the time they get lost between the mail box and the table. I over spend and under clean. My house could use a make over. But lord please don't let me do it. Every time I make a decision Dave and Herb shake their heads. I don't think the house will ever be finished. I just can't make up my mind. I figured this all out when I sat there and read these two journals of disaster. I made myself cringe when I read the mood swing of the month book. My poor poor family. I decided that maybe a journal isn't for me. Only because I don't want to look back and say "Man, I was a real Bitch."

This year I resolve to have no resolutions. I am going to do my best to just keep going. I will continue this blog and I will continue to work on losing weight. But I will not SET a goal. Every time I do I set myself up to fail. I will continue to grow my relationship with God, my kids, my husband and my family. I will enjoy the sunshine on my face and the wind in my hair, and maybe just maybe I will find a Belly Dancing DVD and give it a try.




I am gonna get back on my Cancun log, I swear. It isn't a resolution. But it is a "keep going."

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