I am stressing. I tend to be a bit paranoid. I know those of you who know me well are probably sitting there in mock surprise with your hand to your mouth to hide the gasp and the no that followed from my confession. But the truth of the matter is I am a bit paranoid. So here I am waiting for my boss to call me back. She told me this morning to call her she had some ideas she wanted to share with me. After she said this I noticed a few things. Like the fact that my name was missing from a few things. My list of stalls I am responsible for was gone and reassigned. They hired 2 new kids a few weeks back. I knew this was going to happen because in the summer we are going to be busy. But here it is we have people who are available to work and there are two people on almost every shift except for mine and I know full well it is not because I am a good worker and I don't need the help. If ANYONE needed the help it would be me. So here I am waiting. She told me to call her about 7ish. I called her a little after 7 (7:02). Its 7:25. I am impatient. I just ate. The only thing I ate today besides an ice cream sandwich. I only ate that because I was feeling like crap and it was easy to eat as I was running out the door to take my daughter to the Dr.
I had 3 slices of home made pizza. I want the rest, but I don't. Sounds silly right? I really didn't want the three I had. As a matter of fact it made me sick to my stomach. But I'm nervous and I'm scared and I want to fix it with food that I really don't need.
Nerves suck.
Feeling inadequate sucks
Wanting to eat everything around because I don't know how to deal with my feeling SUCKS.
Bosses who don't call back when they say they will suck even more.
It's 8 now. My stomach is in a knot, my neuropathy in my hands, chest and neck is bad and I feel like I am in the middle of a panic attack. I doubt this is all about my freaking job. Its not like I am the heart surgeon to the Pope. I think this is all just life and insecurity.
8:15.... I think I am going to go make some tea and try to be Zen. Wish me luck!
Quick prayer
Dear God, Thank you for today. Please let me have a job when this is all over and if I don't please let there be a window with pretty little horses waiting in fields, open for me to climb through. Or less specific please lead me down the path that is best for me (please let there be horses) In your name we pray. Amen
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