Well I'm not going to be here to long today. I am trying to do my best to get out of here and go on a mini vacation with the kids. I'm sad that Dave cant come with. But he has to work. But it will be nice to have 5 days with the kids. We packed up the food. Not a lot of junk food, everyone for a fruit, bananas and strawberry's and apples, We have water and Gatorade and v8. We packed our towels and our sunblock and bathing suits. And all we need to do is throw the bikes on the back of the van and get this show on the road. Well that and I need the dryer to do its job and dry so I have clothes to wear while we are there. So until the dryer is done I am here.
I wanted to clarify something really quick on the amazon thing. See all these amazon things all around well those are just suggestions. The deal is you click on the link, you don't like it that's OK, but you click on the link and in the same search you decide hey I want to look at fedoras or flip flops and you decide to buy those items well then I get my %. It doesn't have to be the stuff I suggest it just has to be in that same search. So that being said. Click on my link before you shop for anything on amazon. Please and thank you!
On to the meat and potatoes of the week. I did all right. Yesterday I busted butt out at the pasture. Dave (mine) and Dave (We call him Strawberry Dave) were cutting down trees. The kids and I were loading the van up and bringing the wood back here and unloading it and then going back and loading up again. Every time we went back the horses decided it was dinner time and they would come and stand in front of the fence. PAIN in the ass let me tell you. Nick, one of the horses, decided blue vans look yummy and tried to eat my van. He left two big ass scratches on my van. SO not cool!!!
I didn't do much in the way of walking I'll admit, but I was busy all the same. We chopped a lot of wood. and I did a lot of cleaning at the barn. I groomed our largest horse and one of our smaller horses. I just kept busy. We also went to the zoo. Spent an hour at the beach one day, but the rip current was bad and pulled Austin under and we were out of there.
The worst part of the week was today. Today as I was standing in church I felt a sharp pain in my chest. The left side of my chest felt like I got sucker punched and then I started having trouble breathing. My chest was so tight. I felt so light headed. My mom took my pulse and it was fine. I didn't feel "sick". I felt more irritated then anything. I thought maybe it was because my allergies were bothering me. But in the end I decided to go to urgent aid. I didn't want to go on vacation, where there are no phones, knowing there was a possibility that I might have a heart attack. You think of a lot of things when people are undressing you and sticking things on your chest and asking you questions at a rate of a mile a minute. But mostly I thought I am 35. I am fat. I am a bad example for these kids. God please don't let this be a heart attack. I was just getting so tired by that point. They gave me baby aspirin and I had taken benadryl for my allergies. So I was just worn out. Where were my favorite phlebolomists when I needed them, Sandy and Denise I missed you!!! The EKG, CT, XRay and labs all came back fine, it is probably muscular or it could be from something else, not lung or heart related, gas bubble, etc. But I was free to go. But I don't think I am.
Here's the thing. I'm a heart attack waiting to happen. Some Doctor some where is going to look at my bloated sweaty face one day and ask how long have you felt this way? How bad is the pain? Are you Diabetic? Have you been nauseous? and I am going to have to tell him, that I have been killing myself for years. Why? I don't know! I just do. I'm selfish.
I don't want to die.
I'm glad I'm going on vacation. I need to go somewhere and think. I wish I didn't have to take the kids with me :)
We are currently at mile 566 on our Cancun walk. The heat is making us all fall behind. But I am proud of us for even getting a mile in at all. Keep going walkers. We are still in Arkansas. Right now we are walking through Higginson, which is in White County. The population of Higginson is 378. The mayor was also a volunteer police officer until the volunteer police disbanded. The White County Fair, held annually since 1930, is the largest county fair in Arkansas, with over 50,000 attending annually.
Well lets say a little prayers so I can get my butt in gear.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Please dont ask me if its hot enough for me, please......
IT IS HOT!!! We do not have central air. For 3 days I had 3 window units working over time and my house was at 85 degrees. I took sheets and I closed off as many rooms as I could, I covered as many windows and darkened them even more than their curtains did. I finally got the temp in the house below 80. Then my son remembered we had another window unit in the garage. So we got that one in and now we are at a nice 74 in the house. I'll take it!! My kids are happy because it was getting pretty close to me walking around in a sports bra and a pair of Dave boxers. I was hot, I was sweaty and I was miserable. My legs hurt from lack of exercise and my chest hurt because the air was so thick and heavy I couldn't breath. I was stuck in a fat chicks catch 22. All the more reason to lose this weight.
I found out today that my boss is looking to hire someone at work. This irks me because I really want my hours back. I want to be re-trained and I want to get back into the swing of things. I want to work with the horses not clean cobwebs and sweep the office. I want the physical part of it all. I told her all this in a text because she didn't call me back. Hopefully she gets my drift, my point, my hopes and dreams, my wants and desires, my wishes. Hopefully she understands how very important this is to me and she gives me a second chance. I want to get back to the real stuff.
This week I turned 35. My husband and kids forgot again! But they didn't forget for long. This time it was only half the morning. All day I wasn't bothered by my age. I was happy that so many people said Happy Birthday. It wasn't until I was lying in bed that night and the house was quiet that I felt something inside of me break. I felt sad. I felt broken, defeated, deflated. I felt like I had lost something and I was never going to get it back. I sat up and I said I am old. I accidentally woke Dave up. He wasn't thrilled because it was 12:30. I went and sat on the couch and cried. I don't know why. I don't even know what it is I have lost or I missed only that it was gone. The next day I was fine.
I did celebrate a little to much though. I had anniversary dinner with Dave and the kids at Ryan's. Then there was Birthday take out. Then there was Birthday dinner with Dave at Aurelios. We topped it off with a cookie pizza ice cream thingy. OMG so very yummy. A big ass cookie hot out of the oven topped with ice cream, like a half a pound and whipped cream and chocolate chips. Its HEAVENLY. So I ate a lot this week. And I barely exercised. But when I did get out and exercise I did it right. (Oh, I still lost too. I'm 238.4)
I took the kids to the beach twice this week. Once we went at night. I stayed in the lake for over an hour playing with my kids and watching the sun set over the water. It was beautiful and powerful. It made my heart fill up with love. We went the next day after it rained and the water was totally different. That day the waves were crashing in and I spent an hour in the water body boarding. Now let me tell you. That is a full body work out. Your body crashing against the water. Legs kicking, torso turning, arms holding you up. I felt so good. We stayed at the beach for 4 hours. I swam and played. I relaxed and read. I enjoyed the sun. I took it all in. I think the body looks so healthy when it has some color to it. Not brown leather color. But the light sun kissed blush of summer. The kids and I all had it. That night I looked at Alexis and I could see the beach in her. I could see the warm tones in her and the blue of the sky. I was happy.
Today I played a different way. Today we went out back and made a camp. Dave made a fire and the kids collected wood. At one point they cut down weed trees with hand saws. But the fun came when we started chopping wood! Yep you heard me, chopping wood. We loved it. To the left is the maul that the kids and I used. and here is a video of Lex. Some how the video of me disappeared. Once we got used to it we kind of "fought" over whose turn it was. Austin had to switch to a smaller maul. The one we were using was a little to heavy for him. So he used the smaller one and he was rocking it. You would not believe the calories you burn splitting wood! 45 minutes burns 503 calories. This is according to http://www.myfitnesspal.com . Check this site out!! If you like it look me up as lexnaj.
CANCUN here I come. It has been a hot sticky week. Mileage has been low on my end. Sorry bout that. Dana of course has been bringing it. I haven't heard from Stephanie to get hers in so that will add up for next week. But we made progress. We are 546 miles from home in Newport, AR. Newport is home to 8,000 people. It is also home to the Arnett Doll Museum. Over 5,000 dolls collected by Virginia Arnett are displayed in a private museum adjacent to her home. A rare and complete set of 'Gone With The Wind' character dolls highlights the exhibit. While some might find this creepy, others might find it cool. 215 miles til Louisiana.
Well I think it is time to say a little prayer.
Dear God, Thank you for today. Thank you for the gifts of love you surround me with. Thank you for the ache in my muscles after a long day of learning how to use them and the calm in my head that come with honesty and hard work. Please God lead me down the right path with work. If I am not meant to work harder and closer with the horses than help me to accept this and not be bitter. Please God guide me in your ways. Show me the path I am supposed to follow so I may be your faithful servant. God please be with those who are suffering. Please be with the families of those who were in massacred in Norway. May they find comfort in your arms and peace in your words. Please be with those who are battling addiction. Those who have been touched by the words and the death of Amy Winehouse. Please be with the family of little Gavin as they try to put the pieces back together again. In your name we pray. Amen
I found out today that my boss is looking to hire someone at work. This irks me because I really want my hours back. I want to be re-trained and I want to get back into the swing of things. I want to work with the horses not clean cobwebs and sweep the office. I want the physical part of it all. I told her all this in a text because she didn't call me back. Hopefully she gets my drift, my point, my hopes and dreams, my wants and desires, my wishes. Hopefully she understands how very important this is to me and she gives me a second chance. I want to get back to the real stuff.
This week I turned 35. My husband and kids forgot again! But they didn't forget for long. This time it was only half the morning. All day I wasn't bothered by my age. I was happy that so many people said Happy Birthday. It wasn't until I was lying in bed that night and the house was quiet that I felt something inside of me break. I felt sad. I felt broken, defeated, deflated. I felt like I had lost something and I was never going to get it back. I sat up and I said I am old. I accidentally woke Dave up. He wasn't thrilled because it was 12:30. I went and sat on the couch and cried. I don't know why. I don't even know what it is I have lost or I missed only that it was gone. The next day I was fine.
I did celebrate a little to much though. I had anniversary dinner with Dave and the kids at Ryan's. Then there was Birthday take out. Then there was Birthday dinner with Dave at Aurelios. We topped it off with a cookie pizza ice cream thingy. OMG so very yummy. A big ass cookie hot out of the oven topped with ice cream, like a half a pound and whipped cream and chocolate chips. Its HEAVENLY. So I ate a lot this week. And I barely exercised. But when I did get out and exercise I did it right. (Oh, I still lost too. I'm 238.4)I took the kids to the beach twice this week. Once we went at night. I stayed in the lake for over an hour playing with my kids and watching the sun set over the water. It was beautiful and powerful. It made my heart fill up with love. We went the next day after it rained and the water was totally different. That day the waves were crashing in and I spent an hour in the water body boarding. Now let me tell you. That is a full body work out. Your body crashing against the water. Legs kicking, torso turning, arms holding you up. I felt so good. We stayed at the beach for 4 hours. I swam and played. I relaxed and read. I enjoyed the sun. I took it all in. I think the body looks so healthy when it has some color to it. Not brown leather color. But the light sun kissed blush of summer. The kids and I all had it. That night I looked at Alexis and I could see the beach in her. I could see the warm tones in her and the blue of the sky. I was happy.Today I played a different way. Today we went out back and made a camp. Dave made a fire and the kids collected wood. At one point they cut down weed trees with hand saws. But the fun came when we started chopping wood! Yep you heard me, chopping wood. We loved it. To the left is the maul that the kids and I used. and here is a video of Lex. Some how the video of me disappeared. Once we got used to it we kind of "fought" over whose turn it was. Austin had to switch to a smaller maul. The one we were using was a little to heavy for him. So he used the smaller one and he was rocking it. You would not believe the calories you burn splitting wood! 45 minutes burns 503 calories. This is according to http://www.myfitnesspal.com . Check this site out!! If you like it look me up as lexnaj.
CANCUN here I come. It has been a hot sticky week. Mileage has been low on my end. Sorry bout that. Dana of course has been bringing it. I haven't heard from Stephanie to get hers in so that will add up for next week. But we made progress. We are 546 miles from home in Newport, AR. Newport is home to 8,000 people. It is also home to the Arnett Doll Museum. Over 5,000 dolls collected by Virginia Arnett are displayed in a private museum adjacent to her home. A rare and complete set of 'Gone With The Wind' character dolls highlights the exhibit. While some might find this creepy, others might find it cool. 215 miles til Louisiana.
Well I think it is time to say a little prayer.
Dear God, Thank you for today. Thank you for the gifts of love you surround me with. Thank you for the ache in my muscles after a long day of learning how to use them and the calm in my head that come with honesty and hard work. Please God lead me down the right path with work. If I am not meant to work harder and closer with the horses than help me to accept this and not be bitter. Please God guide me in your ways. Show me the path I am supposed to follow so I may be your faithful servant. God please be with those who are suffering. Please be with the families of those who were in massacred in Norway. May they find comfort in your arms and peace in your words. Please be with those who are battling addiction. Those who have been touched by the words and the death of Amy Winehouse. Please be with the family of little Gavin as they try to put the pieces back together again. In your name we pray. Amen
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Happy Birthday To Me!!! And many more.....
Tuesday is my birthday. I will be 35 years old. Thirty-five, Thhhhhhhirrrrrrty-five. Yeah nothing. Some people get really freaked out about birthdays. How time is passing and they are getting older and just plain old feeling stressed. Well age doesn't bother me. The only age that has bothered me was when my daughter turned 10. I don't know if it was the double digit thing. But her becoming ten was a hard one for me. So my turning 35 on Tuesday doesn't bother me to much. The only thing about it that bothers me is that I had a goal I wanted to reach by this birthday and I have not done it.
At the beginning of the year my goal was to have lost 50 pounds by my birthday. So far I have lost over 20. Which is great. But it is not 50. I am disappointed that I still weigh as much as I do, but I am disappointed in myself for not working on it as hard as I should. So I plan to make a new goal. Here it is.
My new goal is to reach the 100's by the end of the year!!!
That would require me to focus on the life ahead of me and not on the past. It is a realistic goal. I know I can do it.
This week I pumped up the walking. I got a text from my mom and she said she had fallen off the wagon. She needed help. She couldn't get herself to get up and go out and walk. Man I know how that feels. The struggle of motivating myself to just put my shoes on. Well I texted her my advice, as did my sisters. She got up went for her walk. She has been working on it since. But I couldn't help but feel like a hypocrite. So I put on my walking shoes too. Austin and I went for an hour walk on the new trail they cleared by us at the Ambler Flatwoods. I felt good, except for the bugs. I have to remember bug spray next time. But the smell of the earth and the light conversation with my son made for an enjoyable walk. The next day I felt motivated enough to push mow the grass at work and to weed-whack. The next day I took Libby, the biggest of our dogs and the most inquisitive, for a 3.25 mile walk. We were both tired but in the end it was a great day. I have stepped up the walking. Now I need to add exercise.
My family went with a relaxation themed birthday for me. Micci gave me a new book. The Orphan Sister
. She also bought me the man candle, well that's what we call it. It is the best smelling candle. Glade Candle, Moonlit Walk & Wondering Stream, 4-Ounce Jars (Pack of 12)
(I know your probably like what the hell. with the links, but the truth of the matter is I need to make a few pennies and Amazon is
helping me to do it. I just need to figure out how to get rid of multiples and the like. So bear with me please.) She also made me an awesome Do Not Disturb sign for the bathroom door. so I can go in and take a quiet bubble bath with my new book and my new candle. Sisters rock.
Dana and my mom gave me a certificate for a Swedish massage. I can not wait. I am going to call and schedule it next week. Dana goes to the Y in Chesterton everyday and that is where she got the certificate from. Well I have been thinking that maybe its time for me to check out the Y there. I loved my Y. But they closed a few years ago. I miss it. I have been saying I need to go exercise
So maybe this is the push I need. So when I go for my massage I am going to go and check out the prices for me to go there too. I cant keep making excuses. I have a goal to reach and I am very serious about it too.
I also got money to get my hair done and to get a pedicure. So guess what I am doing on Monday. Ped-i-cure!!! I am going to be a relaxed happy Tina. Oh Ya!!! All of this on time to go to the Def Leppard concert with Austin. It is part my b-day present and part his. Its going to be awesome!!! Hysteria
, yes yes indeed. Thanks to my friend Brenda for passing the word along that she had extra tickets. You my friend are rockin.
Well lets talk walkin. Cancun baby!!! Here we come! To date we have walked 517 miles. That is sweet. We are currently walking through Campbell Station Arkansas. Its another one of those towns that if you blink you will miss it. The population is 200 people. I would imagine a group of people just walking through town would be an interesting sight for them. But I think it would be fun.
I'm not going to make you guess who is in the lead this week. Dana gets major miles from her elliptical. Plus the walks she takes with her two K's. This week she grabbed the lead with 25 miles. Stephanie grabbed second with 17. Micci and Kristen are tied with 13.5. Lex has kicked it up and she has 9 miles for the week. All from riding her bike! GREAT JOB LEX!
I would like to take a minute and say a little prayer, then I am off to enjoy my anniversary with Dave. Today we have been married 7 years. He is my best friend and even though we have been through rough times I cant imagine life without him.
Dear God, Thank you for today. Thank you for the sun shining on my crops and helping them to grow so that I may feed my family and provide them with healthy food. Thank you for the amazing people who have built me up along the way. Your love and your guidance along with their support and encouragement will make my goal more than just a dream. Thank you for opening my eyes again to your word. I have been reading your word again and I can't even tell you how much better I feel. Patience is a virtue. Thank you for another year. One more year to learn about myself and your word. I wont let it go to waste. God, please watch over those in need. For the family of Gavin Miller, who died at 5 months old. Please help them in this awful time. Please help those who are fighting with the demons only they can see. Please protect the soldiers fighting in the field to ensure my right to write this blog. Please be with me in the days to come, so I can fulfill my promises to both of us. In your name we pray. Amen
At the beginning of the year my goal was to have lost 50 pounds by my birthday. So far I have lost over 20. Which is great. But it is not 50. I am disappointed that I still weigh as much as I do, but I am disappointed in myself for not working on it as hard as I should. So I plan to make a new goal. Here it is.
My new goal is to reach the 100's by the end of the year!!!
That would require me to focus on the life ahead of me and not on the past. It is a realistic goal. I know I can do it.
This week I pumped up the walking. I got a text from my mom and she said she had fallen off the wagon. She needed help. She couldn't get herself to get up and go out and walk. Man I know how that feels. The struggle of motivating myself to just put my shoes on. Well I texted her my advice, as did my sisters. She got up went for her walk. She has been working on it since. But I couldn't help but feel like a hypocrite. So I put on my walking shoes too. Austin and I went for an hour walk on the new trail they cleared by us at the Ambler Flatwoods. I felt good, except for the bugs. I have to remember bug spray next time. But the smell of the earth and the light conversation with my son made for an enjoyable walk. The next day I felt motivated enough to push mow the grass at work and to weed-whack. The next day I took Libby, the biggest of our dogs and the most inquisitive, for a 3.25 mile walk. We were both tired but in the end it was a great day. I have stepped up the walking. Now I need to add exercise.
My family went with a relaxation themed birthday for me. Micci gave me a new book. The Orphan Sister
. She also bought me the man candle, well that's what we call it. It is the best smelling candle. Glade Candle, Moonlit Walk & Wondering Stream, 4-Ounce Jars (Pack of 12) (I know your probably like what the hell. with the links, but the truth of the matter is I need to make a few pennies and Amazon isDana and my mom gave me a certificate for a Swedish massage. I can not wait. I am going to call and schedule it next week. Dana goes to the Y in Chesterton everyday and that is where she got the certificate from. Well I have been thinking that maybe its time for me to check out the Y there. I loved my Y. But they closed a few years ago. I miss it. I have been saying I need to go exercise
So maybe this is the push I need. So when I go for my massage I am going to go and check out the prices for me to go there too. I cant keep making excuses. I have a goal to reach and I am very serious about it too.
I also got money to get my hair done and to get a pedicure. So guess what I am doing on Monday. Ped-i-cure!!! I am going to be a relaxed happy Tina. Oh Ya!!! All of this on time to go to the Def Leppard concert with Austin. It is part my b-day present and part his. Its going to be awesome!!! Hysteria
, yes yes indeed. Thanks to my friend Brenda for passing the word along that she had extra tickets. You my friend are rockin.Well lets talk walkin. Cancun baby!!! Here we come! To date we have walked 517 miles. That is sweet. We are currently walking through Campbell Station Arkansas. Its another one of those towns that if you blink you will miss it. The population is 200 people. I would imagine a group of people just walking through town would be an interesting sight for them. But I think it would be fun.
I'm not going to make you guess who is in the lead this week. Dana gets major miles from her elliptical. Plus the walks she takes with her two K's. This week she grabbed the lead with 25 miles. Stephanie grabbed second with 17. Micci and Kristen are tied with 13.5. Lex has kicked it up and she has 9 miles for the week. All from riding her bike! GREAT JOB LEX!
I would like to take a minute and say a little prayer, then I am off to enjoy my anniversary with Dave. Today we have been married 7 years. He is my best friend and even though we have been through rough times I cant imagine life without him.
Dear God, Thank you for today. Thank you for the sun shining on my crops and helping them to grow so that I may feed my family and provide them with healthy food. Thank you for the amazing people who have built me up along the way. Your love and your guidance along with their support and encouragement will make my goal more than just a dream. Thank you for opening my eyes again to your word. I have been reading your word again and I can't even tell you how much better I feel. Patience is a virtue. Thank you for another year. One more year to learn about myself and your word. I wont let it go to waste. God, please watch over those in need. For the family of Gavin Miller, who died at 5 months old. Please help them in this awful time. Please help those who are fighting with the demons only they can see. Please protect the soldiers fighting in the field to ensure my right to write this blog. Please be with me in the days to come, so I can fulfill my promises to both of us. In your name we pray. Amen
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Whats gonna work? Team Work!!!
I took a walk around the property today with Dave. We had started talking about something and he was like here let me show you. So we wondered out back and he showed me whatever it was he was talking about and when we were done we stood there looking around. Recently, some guys came out and tore down 2 truck trailers that had been in our yard since we moved in here. They had said they were going to clean up the mess when they were done, since what they really was the scrap metal. We didn't hire them. They did all the work kept the money that was it, as it should be, well they never came back. Go figure. We started talking about how every thing was over grown back there and that there are berries growing every where. Now when I say everywhere I mean EVERYWHERE. My yard is crazy with raspberries. We were picking them off the vine and popping them in our mouths. Some were red and some were black. Tart and sweet, soft and hard, ripe and ready, some not yet. But they were everywhere. I love berries, what a healthy snack and you cant beat free.
They will go awesome with the strawberries that I have growing up front. Plus my peach tree has fruit on it, so do my apple trees. So does my pear. See my pear, well my pear is an amazing tree. Its in back and its alone. There are weed trees trying to choke it out. They are growing tall and trying to steal its sun. They are growing everywhere and trying to steal the water. But my pear tree is sturdy. Every year it bears fruit. The deer eat the bark, the raccoons take the pears and take a bite or two and throw them on the ground, but it goes on. Hell this year we had those trailers torn down and the tree was in the middle of it all and it is still there. The tree needs some TLC. I need to get out there and cut away the weed trees. I need to give it the love it deserves. We both need the TLC. I enjoy the fruit it provides me. I like the message that it has to give me.
They will go awesome with the strawberries that I have growing up front. Plus my peach tree has fruit on it, so do my apple trees. So does my pear. See my pear, well my pear is an amazing tree. Its in back and its alone. There are weed trees trying to choke it out. They are growing tall and trying to steal its sun. They are growing everywhere and trying to steal the water. But my pear tree is sturdy. Every year it bears fruit. The deer eat the bark, the raccoons take the pears and take a bite or two and throw them on the ground, but it goes on. Hell this year we had those trailers torn down and the tree was in the middle of it all and it is still there. The tree needs some TLC. I need to get out there and cut away the weed trees. I need to give it the love it deserves. We both need the TLC. I enjoy the fruit it provides me. I like the message that it has to give me.
So whatta ya think? My new tattoo!! Thank you Michelle. She did a great job. I will admit I was nervous. It has been a long time since I got a tattoo. Wheat if it hurt to much, what if I chickened out, what if, what if, what if...... But I went and I was honest. I told her I was nervous. And she kind of chuckled at me and told me that it would be alright and that I would be fine. That I would be fine. Not it, not the situation. Me. I would be alright. And I was. Yeah it hurt, but not like OMG. More like dumb dog stop scratching me. In the end I was really happy with it. I AM really happy with it. There is no silver in tattooing. But that is ok. I know the message that is there. It isn't for the world. It isn't an advertisement. It is for me and who ever I choose to share it with. Hooray Hooray your my Silver Lining, Hooray Hooray but now I'm gold. (From one of my favorite band Rilo Kiley. check out the link)
http://youtu.be/jVtSSCzASR0Well lets talk Cancun here people!!! For the month of July we have traveled a total of 64.25 miles. Making it a total of 439 miles. We have left Missouri. We are now in McDougal Arkansas. McDougal is home to 195 people. It is in Clay county, which is a dry county, so I don't think we will be there long. I have found out I like Parrot Bay Strawberry Daiquiri, Yummy!!!!!
Our leaders are as follows, Dana with 28, Micci with 14 and Kristin with 10. Stephanie and Lex are tied up, Then there is me and then there is mom. I fell behind on my 6 I got 4. But I am working it. I am still in the 230's. It sucks. I have jumped into the 240's a few times and I have to work my way back down into the 230's again. But I get down there and I work it out.
I'm not going to give it. I wont give up on my marriage, I don't believe in disposable marriages, and I wont give up on myself. This is all I have I cant trade myself in for a new one if I don't like me anymore. So I have to keep going. I haven't made the progress I wanted to but the truth is that lies on me and no one else. I haven't put the effort into it that I should. It is so easy to be gung-ho in the beginning. and so easy to fall off the longer you go. But isn't every day a new beginning so should I treat it like it is?
Lets say a little prayer and then I am off to spend a little more time with Dave.
Dear God, Thank you for today. Thank you for my providing for me. For opening my eyes to all that is around me. Please watch over my friend Becket as she and her family struggle with her fathers illness. She needs you now. Father please be with those who are struggling. Those who long to hold someone, someone they have lost and someone they have never met. Please help those who fight their demons, no matter what they may be. We need your help to fight the good fight, even if the battle never ends. Please watch over us. In your name we pray. Amen.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Free Tattoo?? Yes please...
I am amazed at how naive I am sometimes. I look back at somethings and think, wow, that was just absolutely silly or childish. Or just plain stupid. I never understood how people "grew" apart. You live in the same house, you see each other every day, you talk all the time, how do you not know someone? But I am in my 7th year of marriage and I can see how marriages change. I was naive to think that Dave and I would always stay the same. That the people we were when we got married would be the same people we were today just a little older and a little thicker in the middle. I didn't know it would be this hard. I thought it would be different. I really did. Even after we got married. The first year or two I thought I don't know what people are talking about this isn't that hard. He's my best friend, we bend together, we twist together, we work together. It wasn't "hard" work. But somewhere along the way Dave and I started to drift. His dad died and he became angry, bitter and mean. I lost Poppy and Al in a few short months. I became sad and depressed and I was more than willing to let Dave yell at me and be angry at me because that meant at least he was paying attention to me and when he wasn't paying attention to me there was always a bottle of some kind of pain pill and some kind of food and pop to rinse it down with. Because you should never take someone elses pain meds, even your own, on an empty stomach. I had a problem with pills, I had a problem with drama, I had a problem with food and knowing it or not I had a problem with my marriage.
I have used food to comfort me for a long long time. I have used it as an excuse for a lot of things, including things lacking in my marriage. But I always worry, what if I lose the weight and those things aren't fixed? Than that means, it wasn't the weight at all and there was more and I am afraid of the more.
I ran into a friend of mine, she is going to school to be a tattoo artist, so she has do so many tattoos and she offered to do mine for free. Dave is not a big tattoo fan. He said that he doesn't want to make love to a piece of art work. I said I wont go crazy with it. I wont be the tattooed lady and I said I would keep it off my boobs. I don't want to see how that looks in 10 years let alone 50 , YIKES!!! I had to think about it. I have two already both with symbols about the kids.I needed something different. I didn't want anything related to marriage. SEE ABOVE. So I decided to go with the cross. This one to be exact. But when the day came. My friend had to cancel. As you can imagine I was bummed. But now I am glad and this is why.
I am not going to give up on my marriage. I love my husband. He loves me. We have problems. All married couples do. But I am not going to walk away from him because we have problems. I know we live in a disposable world. But I don't believe in disposable marriages. Dave has been my silver lining. When things have been bad he has been the good. When I couldn't imagine making it another day hes been the sunshine peaking out from behind the dark cloud reminding me that there is something good to hold for. And I know that I have been the silver lining in his life too.
I have to remind myself that I am not a disposable person. That my body is not disposable. I need to treat it with respect. I need to treat myself with respect. I don't have a million chances. I have to be my own silver lining.
When I go to get my tattoo next week I am going to ask her to do the lining of the cloth in silver.
I think it is fitting in so many ways.
Couch to Cancun.....
Cancun here we come!!! We are on our way. We have made it a total of 375 miles. 55 miles since last week. Dana, Stephanie and Micci were all our major contributors. Thank you very much. We are currently walking through Grassy Tower Site State Public Hunting Area in Glenallen, Mo. So make sure to wear your orange and stay to marked paths please. We don't want to be dinner, now do we.
Before I get to the prayer I think I need to get back to making goals. so hear they are. This week. I am going to walk or bike a total of 6 miles. I am going to continue on my coffee and pop free days. I am really feeling good about it and when I do have a cup of coffee or a can of pop I don't feel bad and truth of it I usually don't finish it either I just don't like the weighty taste. I am going to try to enjoy the fruits of my life!!
I would like to take a moment and say a prayer.
Amen
I have used food to comfort me for a long long time. I have used it as an excuse for a lot of things, including things lacking in my marriage. But I always worry, what if I lose the weight and those things aren't fixed? Than that means, it wasn't the weight at all and there was more and I am afraid of the more.
I am not going to give up on my marriage. I love my husband. He loves me. We have problems. All married couples do. But I am not going to walk away from him because we have problems. I know we live in a disposable world. But I don't believe in disposable marriages. Dave has been my silver lining. When things have been bad he has been the good. When I couldn't imagine making it another day hes been the sunshine peaking out from behind the dark cloud reminding me that there is something good to hold for. And I know that I have been the silver lining in his life too.
I have to remind myself that I am not a disposable person. That my body is not disposable. I need to treat it with respect. I need to treat myself with respect. I don't have a million chances. I have to be my own silver lining.
When I go to get my tattoo next week I am going to ask her to do the lining of the cloth in silver.
I think it is fitting in so many ways.
Couch to Cancun.....
Cancun here we come!!! We are on our way. We have made it a total of 375 miles. 55 miles since last week. Dana, Stephanie and Micci were all our major contributors. Thank you very much. We are currently walking through Grassy Tower Site State Public Hunting Area in Glenallen, Mo. So make sure to wear your orange and stay to marked paths please. We don't want to be dinner, now do we.
Fun little fact from the area we are walking through now:
The "Missouri Dinosaur," a hadrosaur (duck-billed), was discovered at a dig near Glen Allen. It has produced bones from different dinosaurs and aquatic species. Bollinger County has the distinction of having a truly "Midwestern Dinosaur." Before I get to the prayer I think I need to get back to making goals. so hear they are. This week. I am going to walk or bike a total of 6 miles. I am going to continue on my coffee and pop free days. I am really feeling good about it and when I do have a cup of coffee or a can of pop I don't feel bad and truth of it I usually don't finish it either I just don't like the weighty taste. I am going to try to enjoy the fruits of my life!!
I would like to take a moment and say a prayer.
Amen
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