Free Tattoo?? Yes please...

I am amazed at how naive I am sometimes. I look back at somethings and think, wow, that was just absolutely silly or childish. Or just plain stupid. I never understood how people "grew" apart. You live in the same house, you see each other every day, you talk all the time, how do you not know someone? But I am in my 7th year of marriage and I can see how marriages change. I was naive to think that Dave and I would always stay the same. That the people we were when we got married would be the same people we were today just a little older and a little thicker in the middle. I didn't know it would be this hard. I thought it would be different. I really did. Even after we got married. The first year or two I thought I don't know what people are talking about this isn't that hard. He's my best friend, we bend together, we twist together, we work together. It wasn't "hard" work.  But somewhere along the way Dave and I started to drift. His dad died and he became angry, bitter and mean. I lost Poppy and Al in a few short months. I became sad and depressed and I was more than willing to let Dave yell at me and be angry at me because that meant at least he was paying attention to me and when he wasn't paying attention to me there was always a bottle of some kind of pain pill and some kind of food and pop to rinse it down with. Because you should never take someone elses pain meds, even your own, on an empty stomach. I had a problem with pills, I had a problem with drama, I had a problem with food and knowing it or not I had a problem with my marriage.

I have used food to comfort me for a long long time. I have used it as an excuse for a lot of things, including things lacking in my marriage. But I always worry, what if I lose the weight and those things aren't fixed? Than that means, it wasn't the weight at all and there was more and I am afraid of the more.

I ran into a friend of mine, she is going to school to be a tattoo artist, so she has do so many tattoos and she offered to do mine for free. Dave is not a big tattoo fan. He said that he doesn't want to make love to a piece of art work. I said I wont go crazy with it. I wont be the tattooed lady and I said I would keep it off my boobs. I don't want to see how that looks in 10 years let alone 50 , YIKES!!! I had to think about it. I have two already both with symbols about the kids.I needed something different. I didn't want anything related to marriage. SEE ABOVE.  So I decided to go with the cross. This one to be exact.  But when the day came. My friend had to cancel. As you can imagine I was bummed. But now I am glad and this is why.

I am not going to give up on my marriage. I love my husband. He loves me. We have problems. All married couples do. But I am not going to walk away from him because we have problems. I know we live in a disposable world. But I don't believe in disposable marriages. Dave has been my silver lining. When things have been bad he has been the good. When I couldn't imagine making it another day hes been the sunshine peaking out from behind the dark cloud reminding me that there is something good to hold for. And I know that I have been the silver lining in his life too.

I have to remind myself that I am not a disposable person. That my body is not disposable. I need to treat it with respect. I need to treat myself with respect. I don't have a million chances. I have to be my own silver lining.

When I go to get my tattoo next week I am going to ask her to do the lining of the cloth in silver. 
 I think it is fitting in so many ways.

Couch to Cancun..... 
 Cancun here we come!!! We are on our way. We have made it a total of 375 miles. 55 miles since last week. Dana, Stephanie and Micci were all our major contributors. Thank you very much. We are currently walking through Grassy Tower Site State Public Hunting Area in Glenallen, Mo. So make sure to wear your orange and stay to marked paths please. We don't want to be dinner, now do we.

Fun little fact from the area we are walking through now:

The "Missouri Dinosaur," a hadrosaur (duck-billed), was discovered at a dig near Glen Allen. It has produced bones from different dinosaurs and aquatic species. Bollinger County has the distinction of having a truly "Midwestern Dinosaur." 

Before I get to the prayer I think I need to get back to making goals. so hear they are. This week. I am going to walk or bike a total of 6 miles. I am going to continue on my coffee and pop free days. I am really feeling good about it and when I do have a cup of coffee or a can of pop I don't feel bad and truth of it I usually don't finish it either I just don't like the weighty taste. I am going to try to enjoy the fruits of my life!!

I would like to take  a moment and say a prayer. 
Amen