Dear Scale, I hate you!

Dear Scale,
          I am writing today to tell you that I don't like you! Honestly I hate you! You sit on my kitchen floor, mocking me. "Tina, come over here and stand on me!" I walk around you, I glare at you, I turn my nose up at you. But you are a sneaky bitch! You catch me off guard. When I am weak. When I just went to the bathroom and I was feeling a few ounces smaller. Because those ounces count. First thing in the morning I hear you calling, "Tina, I'm waiting for you! Come over here and show me some flub!" "NO!," I cry. "NO!" but the first thing I do after the bathroom is walk over and stomp on you. I think you like the abuse. I think your a dirty little scale. You like it when I call you names. When I stomp on you. I could call you a dirty little whore and I think it would make your digits go wonky.

        I know we have had an on-again off-again love affair. When my weight loss is going well. I praise you, I love you and when I get on you I smile the whole time. But when I am gaining, you are my worst enemy. I wish we could talk more. I wish we were able to have a conversation that didn't end in me wanting to throw you out the window. As much as I say I want to hurt you I love you. As much as I want to deny you, I am obsessed with you.

        You are an illness. You are an obsession I can't quit. Cigarettes, I quit. Smoking pot, quit that too. For Lent I gave up pop, and I stuck it out the whole time. But you, oh you, Your like peanut butter, your like coffee, your like great sex. I don't think I can go to long with out you. Sometimes when I want to make us both smile I yell, "Naked Mommy in the kitchen." And I rip off my clothes and hop on. I know I will weigh less naked and I know you will show me those peerrty little numbers that I love so much! Everyone in the house knows the battle cry. Everyone groans, except Dave who lets out a cat call and some days come running. But it is the rush I get when you give me a new lower number that makes it all worth while.

        So I'll make you a deal, I will continue to try to lose weight. I will track what I put in my mouth and I will try to exercise more. What I ask of you is this, try to remember to that I have clothes on. So if you could subtract a few ounces I would greatly appreciate it. I figure your just taking an extra step in our relationship.  If you do me right, I will sing your praises. I will talk pretty to you, I will treat you like a piece of furniture, instead of a piece of lying scrap metal. I'm sure we can work it out.

Yours faithfully,

Tina

Dear God, Thank You for today. Thank You for my friends and family and for the realization that I am not alone. I am so blessed. Thank You for giving Your son for my sins. I try to remember at this time and all times how much You love me. Please watch over those who are suffering, those who will spend the holidays alone and those who are trapped in a world they can't find a way out of. May the holidays bring us all together. In your name we pray. Amen