I love you like a Tomato

I was 13, a freshman in high school, when my friend said I looked like an over stuffed sausage in the body suit I was wearing. Yes, body suit. The ones that were all the rage in the 80/90's She didn't say it to my face, it was one of those behind the back things. I was so hurt. She was so beautiful, tall and thin and pretty. She was everything all of my guy friends wanted in a girl. So I took it extremely hard. I think at that time I was all of 130. But I always had big boobs. It's a curse in High School, let me tell you! But that is besides the point. I felt like I was fat. So I went on an unrealistic diet. All I ate was salad. During this time my Grandma went out of town and my family was house sitting for her. So I took my salad obsession to her house too. I ALWAYS had lettuce and tomato on hand. My mom was really good about having them there. But for some reason that day I had only 1 tomato. One lousy red, ripe, delicious tomato. And my sister ate it. She ate it, SHE ATE IT DAMN IT, and I was furious. My bi-polar teenage brain was obsessed with the loss of my tomato. MY tomato, that my mom bought me. How dare she hate me so much that she ate my tomato. What was I going to do for dinner? How was I going to survive? It wasn't fair! I bitched and I moaned and I cried and I think I even threatened to walk to the store my damn self to get a new tomato. Finally my dad seeing that there was NO other way to shut me up, besides beating the crap out of me, took me to the store to get a damn tomato. All of a sudden I was happy. My blood stopped boiling, the steam stopped coming out of my ears, my rage had ended. But I wouldn't let my sister off the hook. When we got home my dad stopped me in the driveway and talked to me. I honestly don't remember what was said, only that my behavior was unacceptable. My response was she shouldn't have eaten my tomato. I think I was in the hospital not to long after that.

I don't think I have ever been that passionate about a tomato since. But I have been obsessively passionate about so many other things. Once its stuck in my brain I will short circuit before I let it go. So when I see that bag of Frito's sitting on the shelf or that last piece of meatloaf sitting on the fridge I start to twitch. I talk to myself, I don't need it, I don't want it, I'm OK without it. Be strong Tina, BE STRONG! I will read or watch t.v. I will try to sleep, shower, play on the computer. But all I can think about is that bag of Frito's. How the salty corn chip dances on my tongue. The crunch, like food music. I might possibly be able to sleep, but when the dog wakes me at 2:30 to go out, the Frito's are the first thing on my mind. I'll pace the kitchen. Walk past them two, three or ten times. I'll go to the bathroom. But eventually I cave. So I stand in the kitchen in the dark and eat a bag of Frito's, that in all honesty are greasy and unsatisfying. I know my behavior is unacceptable. I know that I am out of control. But I can't seem to see my way out of that obsessive moment.

Monday I start my membership to ANYTIME FITNESS I am excited! I bought some new shoes. New Balance. They are pretty sweet!. I also bought an arm band for my mp3 player. I am tired of sticking it between my boobs.

Just because I am going to start going to ANYTIME FITNESS it doesn't mean I am going to stop mall walking with Becky. This week between Becky and walking with Tators I racked up 16 miles. Becky joined me with 14 and my mom had 10 miles, Dana 20 and Stephanie had 5. I know about how many Micci and Kritty got so I put them in as an estimate. This week we did 93 miles. We have now covered 2248 miles. We are in Bellos Horizontes Mexico. I cant really find anything about this area so I am just going to leave it at this. We have 578 miles til Cancun. Mexican party here we come!

Well I am going to say a little prayer and then go comfort my daughter. She had her wisdom teeth pulled yesterday. Poor kid looks like she has two cheeks full of fluff. Her face is very puffy.

Dear God, thank You for today. Thank You for the family who surrounds me and loves me. Thank You for helping to guide me away from the things I obsess over. Please help me to be strong when I am struggling. God please be with those who are struggling. With my friend Beckett as she heals from her cancer surgery. Please be with Jim as he tries to figure out how to free himself from the grips of alcohol. Please be with those who fight the demons inside. Those whose wars are never one, whose obsessions drown them, and those who can't see any other way out. We are all Your children and without You we are lost. In Your name we pray. Amen

I LOVE YOU LIKE A TOMATO .  
A great book that I recommend to anyone. Its a little different but so very very good!