The Meaning

I had the flu last week. All week long I felt like there was something just beyond my mental reach that I was supposed to be doing or thinking. But I couldn't figure out what it was. I finally started to feel better on Thursday and I remembered what it was that I needed to do. I needed to finish my Christmas shopping. Friday morning I started to feel overwhelmed. Here it is, Christmas is 11 days away and I was not ready. I needed a billion more dollars to get every one everything that I wanted to get them. I needed time to make cookies and ornaments and clean the house and wrap presents... To say the least I was ready to scream. The work day didn't get off to a good start. I was figuring that the day was going to go to hell in a hand bag.

And it did. We were half way through our first house when the woman who was house sitting came out and told us there was a shooting at a school in Connecticut. She didn't know the details, but that there were at least 14 people killed, most of them children. The three of us who were working are moms. We stopped for a minute. All of our hearts dropped. Our stomachs clenched in knots. Collectively our minds raced to our kids. All three of us have kids in high school  and we all have kids in the same grade and school. I wanted to run to the schools. I wanted to grab my kids and hug them and love them. I wanted to protect them from a world that is evil. But I know I can't. I can hug them and love them but I can't protect them. I can't make evil go away. All I can do is raise them to be compassionate, patient, wise, God-fearing Christians. I can teach them that violence isn't the answer. That when you are angry the answer isn't going to be found in a knife or a car or a gun. It can be found in other ways.

We continued our jobs, getting up dates as we went. I thought of the poor kids who saw their best friends and their beloved teachers die. I thought of the children who wouldn't be coming home from school that afternoon. The parents who had to wait to see if it was their child lying dead inside that school and the parents whose hearts broke when they were told their child was brutally and senselessly killed by someone who wasn't much older than a kid himself. My Christmas worries seemed so very small. The calendar I traditionally made for my mother would have to wait. The gift cards I needed to order and the trinkets I needed to carefully wrap were nothing. I would wake up Christmas day and my kids will be waiting on me to open presents. My husband will say you shouldn't have at least a half dozen times and we will scamper to get ready to head to my in-laws house. It is the first time we will be seeing them on Christmas in 5 years. I am glad that the strain that was keeping us apart is slowly falling away.

I am reminded that Christmas isn't about the gifts that are under the tree or the how much money was spent on each person. It is about the time I get to spend with my family. More than likely this will be my last Christmas with my Grandma Kelly. Christmas Eve at her house has been a tradition since I was very small. I want to spend as much time with her as possible. I want to watch the lights glow and hear my nieces read the Christmas story from the bible. There is something about hearing the word of Jesus birth told by children. I want to remember this Christmas as one of Joy and Love and Happiness. Not one of grief and sadness.

I am going to go now. There are cookies to bake and candles to light and Christmas music to be played and sung along to. So here I offer a prayer.

Dear God, Thank You for today. Thank You for making me Your child and loving me as I am, a poor sinner. Thank You for one more day, one more day with my kids and my husband, with my parents and my grandparents. Thank You for protecting me and mine. Thank You for loving the small children and being with them as they took their final breaths. Thank You for comforting them so they knew their final moments were not alone. Please be with the families who grieve this Christmas. Not just the ones in Connecticut and Washington, but to all of us. For the families of my Uncle Jim and with my friend Sandee and her brother and dad. Please remind them of the good times so they can make it through the bad. God I know I ask so much of You, but there is no one else to turn to. Please be with us in the days and weeks and months to come. In Your name we pray. Amen