Some days this blog isn't easy to do. Today is one of those days. I have things to talk about but I don't see how they are relevant to my situation. I have things that I have said in the past that I am trying to do again now. But I get tired of being repetitive. Every time I think I am on to something new I talk to Dave and he reminds me that we had this same conversation x-amount of time ago. Like Hollywood all the good ideas seem to be dead. I am on repeat, I fear. I could tell you about dreams I have had but they have no real pattern, meaning or plot. It would just be to fill the space and make me feel like I have done something with this blog and not forgotten it again. But I don't think I will do that either.
I think I will talk about Tomorrow. See I have been working this in my head for the past two or three days. I plan to put it into action on Monday so I don't really have any excuses as to why it is not done. My plan is this. Tomorrow (Monday) when I wake up before I do anything, I need to pray. I might have to pray while in the bathroom. Sometimes that can't be helped. But I figure God likes it when I pray, no matter where I am sitting. But tomorrow I need to pray. I need to be clear, not this wishy washy, well ya know God it would be great if, or I would like it to be. No I need some down and dirty, God, I need help I am addicted to food and I am struggling here. Please help me to resist the temptations that I will no doubt come across today. That kind of prayer.
Second, after the bathroom and while the coffee is waking me up I plan on putting up some sticky signs. One of them being, Take your meds! Where is your wallet? Do you have your purse, don't forget your keys. Make sure your phone is charged and in your pocket. I am going to have signs on the fridge and cabinet that ask me if I really want that.
I know I should be happy and blah blah blah for the Holidays. But I don't need to look like Santa while I do it. Tonight I had Kenny's Ribs. It was a last minute thing and I can't even tell you how happy I was to be eating them. I told myself as the sauce collected at the corners of my lips that I will not eat like this again any time soon. As I licked my fingers I enjoyed the tangyness that screamed over indulgence and I knew that this was my last meal. That slab of charred flesh and bones would be the meal I remember as the last. I am not going to go Vegan and I a not going to drop sugar and white flour off the menu all together. I am just not going to do it to excess. If I have ribs it wont be a full slab. If I have bread it wont be a full loaf. I will make it, I will do this, I will survive.
Well it is time to go digest my ribs so I leave you with these parting words.
Dear God, Thank you for today. Thank you for loving me and making me Your child. Thank You for the love and support of my family and friends. I know without them my fight would be never ending and lonely. I love You so very much God. I am so honored that You are my father. Please help me to be a good parent. I am not much for patience, but I know I need to learn to have some. Please help me as I fight this battle with my weight. Help me to know when enough is enough. Please be the whisper in my ear when I am feeling weak. Be the hand on my elbow when I need a push along. Please help me to remember that I am a good person and I need to love myself too. God, please be with my Grandma Kelly. She is so brutally honest about her battle with cancer and she knows her time here is short. Please be with my Uncle Marlin who is in the hospital fighting his own battle. Please be with those who are fighting demons we can not see or hear. Help them to know that they are Your children. In Your name we pray. Amen
No comments:
Post a Comment