From the Top!

I  know I have been horrible here. Instead of being honest with myself and everyone else I have been hiding myself in a hole of pity and self loathing. I want a pity party but I  know it will do no good. I have been here before but I have a new weapon. This time I am dealing with a family over haul. Its not me against three it is 4 standing tall. I am working with my kids and my husband this time. We have been talking and figuring it out. Here is my plan

1. grains, whole grains to be exact. no more white bread. no more white pasta. no more white rice.
     I am watching my barbs, fats, protein and sugar.

2. portion control. I dusted off the food scale and put it to use in the kitchen for dinner.
     I weighed my pasta. I weighed my sausage and peppers and onion and garlic. 
     A friend  of mine texted me a pic of portion control sizes. I will be forced to look at it when I eat. 
     Grr

3. accountability. everyday I am going  to sharing my food journal with a few other people.
     I can't hide my food anymore. 
     my friends and  my family can look at it and say, really? a pop tart or something like that

4. CARDIO! just walking the dog for 30 minutes a day with Lex is the first step.
     I will continue to work out at the gym. I will actually increase my exercise regimen.

5. busy time. getting away from the computer and t.v.
     Today I helped out at the Lions Club pancake breakfast.
     I only planned to eat and leave my kid to volunteer with scouts. I bused tables for 4 hours.
     exhausting

Well I am a tired Tina and it is time to get off of here and go read a book.

Time for a prayer and then out of here.

Dear God, Thank You for today. Thank You for the friends who are  there to hold me up and love me. Please help me to continue on a healthy road. I know with You I can do anything.

In your  name we pray. Amen

Pig Headed Mule

I don't listen well. Never have, probably never will. It's not that I think myself superior, I just think that I know better. Ha Ha. I amuse myself. The person I feel I know better than at this point, and  today proved me wrong, is the E.R. doctor. When she told me my foot was not broke but it was sprained and that I needed to stay off of it for 2 to 4 weeks I didn't listen. It has been a week and a day. For the past 3 days I have hobbled around the house and went out on my crutches so I  wasn't on the foot to long. I have been feeling irritated by my lack of "strength" to push on. Since my foot isn't in a cast just bandaged I feel like  it is not as bad as it seems. Today I found out I was wrong.

My first mistake was flip flops. I only planned to trim the grape vines and do a little weeding, so I didn't figure I would need good shoes. In the end I was shoveling rock. I just told myself to put pressure on the other foot and I would be fine. Wrong again. It is 10 p.m. and my foot is killing me. I am a pig-headed fool. I want so badly to be able to do my work-outs, get my miles in and work hard that I haven't been letting myself truly get better. What angers me and saddens me is that tomorrow I know I will go to the gym. I wont be able to do much. I will stretch and do Pilate's before I hobble home, but I will go.

Thursday is the first weigh in and I need to do this. I will make it work. I am determined to win this contest. I will transform myself. By the end of the summer I will be a runner. The thing that is  killing me right now is the fact I cant go out and run in the woods. I cant even walk in the woods. All day outside my heart was saying, RUN! RUN! RUN! My head and my foot, and my family, said NO! NO! NO! I wanted to feel my heart quicken. I wanted the feel of the wind in my face. I wanted to feel like a winner, a competitor, a fighter. Instead I feel like a bench warmer and a people watcher.

I know it will be better in no time if I just behave. I hate behaving.


Dear God, Thank You for today! Thank You for the warm sun on my skin, for the soft breeze in my hair and the pain in my foot. Amen