Sabotage

I am more harm to myself than good. I have such a negative self image that it effects everything I do. It spreads like the flu in a kindergarten class. Now not only do I feel like crap about but I accept and expect others to treat me like crap.

This past week I have tried to do something about it. When I shower in the morning I talk to God. I ask for forgiveness for my past and strength for my future. I tell myself I am good enough and I need to forgive myself in order to move on. Its working too.

I know that a negative self image takes more than a few days to change but I can feel a minor shift. Its little stuff really. I have been getting back on track with my fitness pal. I have gotten back to the gym. I haven't been able to do much since I threw out my back but I have been going and doing my physical therapy stretches at least.

This is what I know and I wanted to share. God loves me fat or thin. He wants me to be healthy. I love me. I am learning to love me more and more each passing day. I want me to be healthy too. There is no miracle. No pill will fix me. I have to fix me. I have been sabotaging myself because I haven't let go of my past. I haven't given myself the OK to go on living. Today I will remind myself often that I AM good enough. That I am important and that with God I can do anything and that includes losing weight. I am going to shed the pounds of sadness and grief. I am going to let go of the pounds of remorse that hang from my shoulders. I am going to get rid of all that weighs me down. I am goin to shed this skin and I am going to be the person I know God wants me to be.

All I can worry about is today. That's what matters most