Where does it go?

Where does the time go? Really! Today I spent most of the day trying to get Austins room cleaned and his fish tank set up. I started this project at about 11 this morning. At 8:30 p.m. I started this blog. Then I got side tracked and started again at 11:15 p.m. Austins room isn't completely cleaned. I ran out of steam. His fish tank is set up, but as of right now there are no fish. Maybe this week. But I have no idea where all the hours went! I mean 9 hours and I cant really say I got accomplished what I wanted to get accomplished. Where did it go?

Where did the time go last month? What the hell happened to August. August is usually my hang at the beach do nothing but wish the kids were back in school month. But I wasn't there in August. I wasn't a beach bum. I was ready for the kids to go back to school, but then I thought about how quickly the time had gone by. I barely worked out in August. My desire, my push, my motivation were all gone. They flew right out the window. I let Austins meningitis throw me off course. I let myself have all that time off, and I rationalized why I wasn't at the gym. I pulled a muscle in my back after that. Doc ordered me to bed rest for a week. A WEEK! That seems so short and so long. After day two I was going nuts. Dave told me I would never get better if I didn't stop. So I did. So there is another reason I wasn't at the gym. Then poison ivy came my way. Next thing I know I excused myself out of a month of gym time. Where did August go? It didn't feel like a month. But it was.

On the 7th my baby turned 12. Where did that time go? Hes twelve now. Not a baby but not a teen. Hes that stage where everything gets weird and hormones go crazy and I become the enemy. But I look at him and I think how are you 12! I remember our first public outing. He was only a few days old and we went to the church picnic. He was so so little, He had this black hair that stood on end, this giant poof of hair. He was such a good boy. He still is, don't get me wrong, but I wonder where it all went. When did his face start to thin out and that baby pudge melt away? When did he decide he liked boxer briefs instead of under roos? When did he stop speaking his own language and start using ours? When did he stop coming to me and asking me to sing him to sleep? Where did it go?

I am saddened that my children are growing up. Not because I am getting older. That is what it is. But I always wonder did I fill those lost times with good things and good memories. As of right now my son still tells me I am a great mom. Lex tells me that I did alright by her over the years, but I have dropped the ball a few times. Honestly I like Austins answer better, but I appreciate the honesty of Lexi's. I miss when their problems were smaller. I miss when they were smaller. Clothes were so much cheaper! but honestly I miss my babies. I am proud of my children. I think that they are going to be great adults one day in the far distant future. Right now I just want them to be kids.

I know it doesn't matter how much I hope and wish and dream. They wont be little forever and no matter how much I stuff in a day I will still wonder where the time went.

Dear God, Thank You for today. Thank You for loving me and making me your child. Thank You for surrounding me with such wonderful people. Thank You for my son. I know that only you know the way I truly feel about him. Please watch over my old people. We all need you right now. In your name we pray. Amen