Celebrity Fit Club

The gym is doing "Celebrity Fit Club", the competition formerly known as Biggest Loser. You pick a celeb. I am thinking Sarah Rue.. I love her. She was so comfortable with her body when she was heavy. She was very confident, but since she lost the weight she has become even more confident. I think she is beautiful and talented. So my Celeb is going to be Sarah. Now I just need to get the mind set.

I have been having issues lately with food and  prayer. Prayer mostly since gram died. I have been  angry and I have been denying that I am angry with God and myself. But I have to take a step back and put everything in perspective. It's hard to do. Eating and blaming are so much easier that accepting and working hard.

Even now I am trying  to find excuses and reasons and I am looking internally for a fight. I am always looking for a fight. My defenses are up and I am ready to yell at anyone. Dave usually ends up being the one I rip into. I know this and I need to stop. I am catching myself more often, but I am still using him as a verbal punching bag. So hold on a sec. There is something I need to do.

I had my head in my hands and my eyes closed, I was praying. Dave looked over and asked if I was ok. While we pray at dinner, we don't normally sit down and just pray. So seeing someone in that position makes you wonder if they are ok. I don't want it to be that way anymore. I want prayer to be something that is common here.

So we swing back around to the celeb fit club. It starts on April 1. I am also working on my 5k's! I have one this Saturday. The Egg-celent  5K. I figure two birds one stone. I am going to improve my 5K time and lose some weight! I  want to be happy and healthy. I want to do 5K's and not feel like I am dying. I want to feel good in my pants. I want my boobs to not fly up and slap me around. I want to be healthy. And I will. Just you wait and see.

Time for a prayer

Dear God, Thank You for today. Thank You for  loving me and accepting me even when I am angry with you. Thank You for the time I had with  my Grandma and for giving me the chance to know such a spectacular woman like her. Thank You for helping me to see my way back to you. Please help me in the hours, days and months ahead while I work to change my life. Please be with those who are suffering. Hold those close to you who are grieving. Hold those up who need your support. Please be with my Uncle Marlin as he struggles with his own health. I love You and I am sorry for  turning from You. In Your name I pray. Amen