Unintentionally mean with a side of grease

When I am sick, as I am now, a few things happen.
1. I am sick! (Obvious, I know)
2. I am seriously irritable. More like unintentionably mean.
3. I eat alot when I am sick. You would think it is the opposite but it isnt.
4. I am angry all the time.

I think before I really get into this I need to say a little prayer. Something I havent done in a few days.

Dear God, I am sick and I am cranky and I am mean. I am taking my anger and frustration out on everyone around me. I dont feel good and I am blaming everyone else. I am fueling my anger and my body with greasy food. I inhale it and use its high caloric intake to give me the energy to get through the next few minutes and maybe an hour or two. But the truth is all it does it fuel my anger and self loathing and make my insides feel yucky. God I am a jumbled mess right now. I hurt inside, spiritually physically and emotionally. God please help me. Please give me the strength to know which battles to fight and to know when to rest and let my body prepare for the next battle. Please God help me to rid myelf of this nasty person inside me. I need to cleans my system and I know I cant do it alone. I am tired of being bitter and mean. Amen.

I wanted to say that prayer before I started here because I have been just a bitter mean person and it seems that when I pray I am not as bitter for a while. I didnt want to carry that over here.

I have been fueling myself with every form of grease for the past few days. When I realized I was getting sick I hit every form of fast food in the area. Of course in my head I had justification. First it was a girls day with Becky. Got my hair cut, Pedicure and we got Chinese for lunch. That night the stove broke, so we had Wendy's.

I felt horrible Thursday and spent most of the day in bed. I wouldnt have done anything if is wasnt for the fact I had to go get Lexi from the barn. I wasin my pajamas and was only supposed to be there for a minute. Well I was there for 3 hours. We ended up with a sick horse and I walked for 2 hours in the cold in the arena in circles IN MY PAJAMAS AND SLIPPERS. Horses can not vomit, little bit of horse knowledge for ya. But they can choke. So I had to force him to drink, shake his throat and make him walk to get him to cough up a hay ball. It was disgusting. By the end of the night I was covered in all kinds of nasty. The bright part. Dave cooked. Bad part. I got sicker.

Friday I craved grease and I got it. Gyros and pizza and little caesars crazy bread. Pop corn and chocolate. I cant seem to get enough food. I ate amd complained ate and complained and when there was no food i was even meaner. When the kids fought I got meaner. I wanted to crawl out of my skin a few times becasue I was so hot and sweaty. I was in so much pain and everything in me hurt. I felt like I had just crawled out of a sauna and laid down in a snow bank. I was and still am right now feeling mean and ready to fight. I think I may have gotten nasty with my boss over the phone. When I am feeling better I will apologize to her. If I tried right now I think I would end up without a job.

I feel toxic. I feel like sludge is running through me. I would give anything to feel better. I feel my heart beat in my brain. I can hear my sinus' draining. If I move to fast (which in truth means if I move at all) I see tracers. My mom calls them flashes. My joints hurt.

Now that I have bitched enough lets see if I can squeeze something good into this.

There is a photography showing here in Michigan City and I have a chance to put some of my pictures into it. But I am a little nervous. I think  I am going to sit out this months and wait until next month to put anything in. BUT I am going to go to the showing and take a look around and see what they have in there. Check out some of the others artists and see what kind of framing and mating and price range we are talking. If it is way beyond my ability then I am going to wait til I am more prepared. If I am going to put something in then there is someone out there who is actually going to get a framed picture first. Her name is Sandee, besides my family who have a ton of my pictures, she is one of the few people who has commented on how much she loves my pictures. So she is the first. Now if I could figure out why blogger and my computer are having a love hate relationship and they wont do spell check or insert a picture or any of that other crap I might be able to get a picture of my own on here.

Well the crankiness is creeping in so Im out. I really hope in a day or two this still makes sense.