Where it all begins

Well here I am. I have decided to start doing this because it is time for a change.  I cant keep doing this to myself. The constant yo-yo of dieting. the happiness that comes from the pounds falling away and the cheating that comes days after when I say oh well I can take it right back off. So I decided that I am going to start this with a prayer.

     Dear God, please help me. I am in trouble and I am afraid. I am 248 pounds. I am afraid that if I don't lose weight I am going to become a diabetic and make myself sicker and eventually I am going to let my weight DESTROY MY HEALTH AND I AM GOING TO DIE. I am sad and depressed. I do not live my life the way that I know I can, the way I know I should. I do not live it with you first. I live it with food and loathing first. I can not say that I am doing my best to be a good Christian. It would be a lie. God, please help me. I need you. Please hold me up when I am weak. When I feel I can not walk, please carry me. When I want to run to the table and devour dessert please lead me to the fruit of the tree. Help me to see the sun light. To feel the wind on my face. Please help me to feel the ache in my muscle from hard work and the satisfaction from a job well done. Let these things and your love fill me up inside in a way that no food can. So that I can spread your word and I can sing your praise and I can be the mother, daughter, wife and child of God that I know you have made me to be. Amen

I have been told I need to set a mini goal and stick to it. Not to make it a weight goal. But to make it a very achievable goal. So for this week I want to drink 2 bottles of water a day. Sounds small but I am not a big water fan.SO water in any form is a good thing.When the weather breaks I am gonna get my butt outside.

I have not been a very good volunteer because it has been so cold. I need to get out there and brave the cold. Horses need clean stalls and food in the cold just as much as they do int the heat. Plus it is good for me to get out. It doesn't matter what you do for activity, just as long as you get out there and do something, right?

Well, here's to something.