I lost my job today. I don't know how I feel about that yet. I wont really know til tomorrow when I officially lose my job. today was more of the conversation over text messages that came down to me saying, "Well I plan on signing a one year membership to a gym tomorrow and I will be paying for that with the money I make at the barn. So if I don't have a job I'm screwed." to which my boss replied, "Call me in the morning. I am about to go meet a friend and I will be driving." Now here's the thing. I don't really think I am upset about losing my job. I have been unhappy there for a while. I think I have complained more than anything since they took me off of working with the horses and put me on clean up after people patrol. But I have been trying to stick it out. But in the end it wasn't what I needed it to be anymore. I think tomorrow when I call her I am going to make it easy on her too. I know it isn't easy to fire someone. So why make it miserable for her. Cut ties. End it and let it be over. I'll tell her I'll drop off my keys when I get my last paycheck.
Its funny the thing that I am most upset about is that I am not going to be able to afford my gym membership. If I signed up tomorrow, Tuesday, Oct. 11th, I would get a registration fee of only $11 instead of $50. That's a big difference. But with me not working I cant afford the monthly payments. I want to justify it. I want to say yes I can do it. I can make it happen. I can work it out. But I am stretching us thin and I just cant do it anymore. I am so sad about this it isn't even funny. I am honestly heart broken. I think that is the thing right now that makes me the saddest out of this whole stupid situation.
My house it a disaster, my weight is everywhere, I lost my job, my son has the flu, My dogs keep trying to kill each other, I need a hair cut and a pedicure and I am a tearful mess. So Dave took me out on the deck,which is in need of some tlc (we just haven't had time) and he asked me if I have talked to God about all of this. I had to be honest and say no. I have been a neglectful Christian. I haven't been talking to God and I sure haven't been listening. He told me of his recent struggles and how God helped him through. He told me to talk to him and that the only hand I needed right now was the hand I could not see. It was one of those magic moments. The way the black of the night was the perfect backdrop. His face was bathed in the soft glow of the moon. It was almost like God was talking to me through Dave. I just wanted to reach out and touch his silver grey hair. It was so powerfully beautiful. He told me that he knew I was a Christian and that he knew I was religious but sometimes I get so caught up in it all that I forget to talk to God.
I'm not going to lie. I didn't get everyone numbers this week. I know my mom did 16 miles. Mom I am so proud of you I cant even tell you. You have been such an inspiration. Everyday I talk to you I can hear it in your voice. I can see it in your smile. You are filled with joy. Every step brings you closer to your goal and when you tell me how many miles you walked and how many steps you've taken I can hear the pride ringing through and I can't help but swell up with pride too. Mom you are my Hero.
I would like to say a prayer and then I need to go to bed.
Dear God, thank You for today. Thank You for the friends and family who listen to me complain and who support me when my life changes. Thank You for loving me and for guiding me down paths I might not be ready to go down on my own. I know that I may not always be a faithful servant but I try my best to be good. Thank You for the opportunity to serve you. Dear God please be with me, guide me on the next journey I am about to begin. I am afraid, I do not want to fail. Please watch over us all. In your name we pray. Amen
Keep checking out Jill @ What We Eat! She has a recipe for Italian Sausage and Peppers! How Yummy is that!!!!
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